Pingdom told you who uses what social site. AdAge told you who uses what search engine. But what about the rest of the web? GLAD YOU ASKED.
- Facebook: Someone you kiiiiinda remember who, if you ignore them, will turn out to be a headhunter (the good kind) and if you accept, will turn out to be a headhunter (the bad kind).
- YouTube: An advanced AI that has nearly mastered swearing and is ready to move on to the rest of human language.
- Wikipedia: People screwing with Wikipedia.
- Pandora: People who left their iPods at home.
- UPS: People getting increasingly excited around midday.
- Craigslist: Your girlfriend.
- Amazon: People buying books.
- Barnesandnoble.com: Barnes & Noble employees.
- Chatroulette: Guys with their dicks out.
- Pornotube: Guys with their dicks out.
- eBay: Guys with their dicks out reflected in a teapot.
- GameSpot: Noobs who can only handle BioShock, Dragon Age, and Dante’s Inferno.
- Yahoo Games: Hardcore gamers who can plunge into the depths of Harry Potter Years 1-4.
- AOL home page: People who don’t get how the web works.
- Google home page: People who don’t get how the search bar works.
- Digg home page: People who don’t get “work.”
- Reddit: People who think Diggers are dumb.
- Metafilter: People who think Redditors are dumb.
- Slashdot: People who think people are dumb.
- WordPress: Bloggers who’d rather be coding.
- Tumblr: Bloggers who’d rather be reading.
- Blogger: Bloggers who’d rather be on WordPress. How the hell do you export from this thing?
- Livejournal: Bloggers who’d rather be dead! Then you’d finally pay them some attention! Well maybe that’s just what they’ll do, Mom!
- Xanga: The 90s.
- Club Penguin: The two’s -to-thirteen’s.
- CNN: People who think they’re reading the news.
- Fark: People who laugh at the word “news.”
- Go.com: Unimaginative people testing a computer at a store.
- Ripoffreport: Ripoff victims.
- BestBuy.com: Ripoff victims.
- Scientology.org: Ripoff victims.
- Bit.ly: People heading somewhere else.
- Gawker: Subjects of Gawker articles.
- IRS.gov: People who are way too on the ball.
- 4chan: Kids pretending to be hackers, hackers pretending to be kids, reporters pretending to be kids pretending to be hackers, child predators, child-predator predators, Han Solo.
- eHarmony: 97% of desperate singles.
- Loopt: 3% of desperate singles.
- AdultFriendFinder: People who will claim tomorrow that they were on eHarmony.
- Evite: People who still refuse to get on Facebook.
- Friendster: Jonathan Abrams, sitting in a quiet room that no one has entered in weeks. He needs a bath.
