So, I’ve taken to implementing a Two Week Rule when it comes to dating. Because I’m fickle and bored way too quickly, I’ve decided that I need to set some sort of parameters for my dating life, as in, if someone keeps my attention for two weeks, I will consider moving forward with them. Or sleeping with them. Or, I don’t know, even continuing talking to them.
Unfortunately for me, there are very few people who actually keep my attention for two weeks and now that I’ve told myself I will adhere to this rule quite strictly, my potential pool of Men I’d Like to Talk to More has decreased so significantly that I’m thinking of making it a Two Day Rule. Hey, at least I wouldn’t be sleeping alone. This is what the cool kids (AKA, myself and my roommate) call “Goal Settling.” You can use that. Go on, you know you want to.
This Two Week Rule comes in especially handy when I meet someone online. Considering all you can do is talk and express yourself when you meet online, if, after two weeks, I’m still waiting to hear from them and am excited about the potential of them pushing me up against a wall, then, well, shit’s for real. Meeting someone online feels like some weird sort of speed dating, because, after one conversation, you feel like you’re on the 15th date and all of a sudden, you’re all, “Wait, we’ve never actually met in person, but you know the intimate details of what I’d put where if you were here?” Yeah, this is weird.
Anyways.
I was saying that because online dating is cultivated in such a different way than offline dating, you get to know a person much faster than you would if you were just starting to date someone from the offline world, you know, QUOTE IN REAL LIFE UNQUOTE. Offline, it takes about seven dates spanned across a few weeks to really get to know the person, but online you’re on Gtalk for a long night and all of a sudden, you’re spilling about that one time when you were in Kindergarten and you got stung by a bee on your head and that probably traumatized you and that’s why you suck at studying, because OF THAT GODDAMN BEE.
Or, you know, other important topics of conversation in the same vein.
What I’m saying here is that this Two Week Rule is both awesome and terrible at the same time. Because the amount of people that do not captivate my attention for a measly two weeks is horrifyingly high. And it makes me want to go jump off a cliff or only have romances that last one week, six days and twenty-three hours, so I don’t need to deal with the unbelievable wave of disappointment that comes with realizing that, YET AGAIN, someone has bored me AFTER ONLY TWO WEEKS OF KNOWING THEM.
I know. I realize I’m a heartless bitch whose standards are probably far too high because my ego is bigger than my actual goods. Maybe, I’m the boring one. Maybe, my dear god, I’m the one that can’t keep someone’s interest for TWO WEEKS. Maybe, after all this time, I’m actually the person who isn’t awesome enough for really awesome people to date.
Hahahahahahahha. Yeah, right. Like THAT’S true.
