We all know that the iPhone has a myriad of uses and that there is always an app for “that.” No matter what “that” is, apparently, there is an app for it. So, I challenged iPhone to a duel in which I said, “HEY iPHONE IS THERE AN APP FOR MAKING MEN LINE UP ON MY DOORSTEP?” To which it didn’t reply, because it can’t talk, but when I opened up the app store, I noticed, shit, there are a lot of options for this to happen if only I’d get a little bit more creative. We just need to expand our horizons, women. Sure, dating is a bitch and most days we want to crawl up into a ball in the corner of our room and start praying to Aphrodite or Buddha or something, but you know, we just need to be a bit unconventional about this whole business.
Cases in point:
1. OkCupid
All right, this one is pretty obvious, but I’d be remiss to not include the online dating app amidst this list. Wink at people from your phone! Message them! Invite them over! Men to doorstep. Done.
2. GrubHub
So, the other night, I was at a bar with friends for Margarita Monday and we wanted thai food, so I downloaded the GrubHub app, ordered the delicious noodles and rice, and had IT DELIVERED TO THE BAR. As in, I didn’t even need to speak to one person or exchange any money, because the delivery guy came straight to our corner of the bar and I had already paid with my credit card. It was glorious. But, then I got to thinking that this is such a porn fantasy for women to take advantage of the delivery man and thanks to GrubHub I can order one up, choose my ethnicity, AND have dinner after. Fool proof plan, I’d say.
3. Taxi Magic
This iPhone app has saved my life numerous times, as in there was this one time where it was pouring rain and I had just bought the iPhone 3GS, so none of my apps were installed. But, I was stuck in the rain and the goddamn stupid bus decided not to show up, so I downloaded Taxi Magic and had a cab pick me up within five minutes. He was a really good driver and gave me his card and told me to call whenever I needed a taxi, so now all I need to do is signal him (kind of like the Batman signal, but maybe in the shape of a headlight, which, really, would just be the spotlight with no shape cutout, but oh my dear god, where was I?) and he’ll come to my doorstep.
So, really, at any given time, I can have men from OkCupid, GrubHub, and Taxi Magic all lined up around the block just WAITING TO TALK TO ME. Okay, yeah, so 2/3 of them want money from me in exchange for some sort of item or service, but that’s just a technicality. I don’t get caught up in the details, people, and neither should you. This iPhone app business is about bringing an abundance of men into your life and I suggest you start downloading and watch them line up.
Because, baby, you’re worth it!
I mean, what?
(Header photo from zoosk.com)
