1. Don’t trust anyone without a Facebook. They are either married or a child molester. I mean, even my NAN has a Facebook now.
2. If a guy tells you that he is “not like most guys,” then assure yourself that he is a liar and a douchecandle and take your sweet ass home.
3. If a chick tells you that she only likes hanging out with men and has no girlfriends, run. Fast. And never, ever look back. She’ll cling.
4. If you are always getting cockblocked, it’s you, not them.
5. Men: texting a woman to ask her out is appropriate if you’d prefer she think you are a pussy and completely un-screwable.
6. If you are stuck in the dreaded “friend zone” the best thing to do is stick around for your friend to drink enough that they find you attractive.
7. It’s not that “nice guys finish last,” it’s that, “men who don’t sexily and aggressively throw a woman around the bedroom finish last.”
8. How do you seduce a man? Hate commitment. Love sex. Rinse. Repeat.
9. How do you seduce a woman? Love commitment. Like sex, but also like picnics and talking about feelings. Rinse. Repeat.
10. Be open. Be friendly. Have fun. And, if all that fails, drink whiskey and find someone hotter to make out with.
(Twitter love birds illustration by Yiying Lu)
