Frost vs. Zuckerberg
This is the first in a series of interviews between the famed British broadcaster, Sir David Frost, and the American boy genius, Mark Zuckerberg.
Both men agreed to discuss their respective movies – “Frost/Nixon” and “The Social Network” – and nothing else.
Zuckerberg stared at his computer the entire interview. Responding to emails. Writing OO-style code. Same old shit.
PART I:
Frost: I’m thrilled to conduct an interview where we discuss cinema rather than politics.
Zuck: You think our films have nothing to do with politics? Have you watched the movies, yet?
Frost smiles sheepishly…
Frost: Yes, our movies do deal with politics, I suppose. What’s that Einstein quote about politics?
Zuck: “Politics is for the present, but an equation is for eternity.”
Frost: How did you know that?
Zuck: You quote Einstein nine times on your Facebook page. And you’re married to Lady Carina Fitzalan-Howard. And you look at pictures of your high school sweetheart at least once a day.
We notice Zuckerberg is checking Frost’s Facebook profile, studying his opponent.
Frost’s profile photo is a Polaroid in his younger days, floating on a pool raft at the Beverly Hilton, 1977.
Frost: I ummm, I rarely check Facebook. I’m more of a face-to-face, histrionic interview kind of bloke.
Zuck: You can conduct histrionic interviews on Facebook, too. We recently added the UStream Broadcaster –– you can broadcast video live to the world from a computer or iPhone.
Frost’s mind is blown…
Frost: Is there anything you can’t do on Facebook?
Zuck: You cannot advertise trailers for “The Social Network”.
Frost: Yes –– why did you ban Sony from advertising the movie on your platform? Do you not respect Justin Timberlake?
Zuck: I adore Justin Timberlake. “Justified” was released in 2002 –– my freshman year at Harvard. By delivering such a mature record, JT inspired me to create Facebook.
Zuckerberg pounds his keyboard like a ninja. “Cry Me A River” by Timberlake starts to play on his speakers.
Zuck: Justin did more for the social web than Edward Saverin.
Frost: You give Justin Timberlake more credit for the creation of Facebook than Edward Saverin?
Zuck: Absolutely. I told Fincher to cast Justin when I supported the project – long before I read Sorkin’s final shooting script.
Frost: What do you not support in Sorkin’s final shooting script? And why did you de-friend Sorkin on Facebook?
Zuck: The final shooting script and the demise of my Facebook relationship with Aaron Sorkin are two issues that I cannot legally discuss.
Frost: Mark –– If you don’t talk now, I’ll interview you for multiple days until you get so sick of my cute British chin that you lose your boy genius shit.
Mark finally looks up from his computer. He stares at Frost’s cute British chin.
Zuck: The shooting draft contains inaccuracies.
Frost: Inaccuraries about what?
Zuck: Mark Zuckerberg being characterized as an IP pirate.
Frost: IP… iPad? Internet porn?
Zuck: Intellectual property.
Frost scribbles “intellectual property” in his notepad and underlines the words for dramatic effect.
Frost: But you did steal the basic premise from the Winklevoss twins. They developed ConnectU before you wrote a single line of Facebook code!
Zuck: Look, when you’re at Harvard, you gotta do a lot of things that are not always, in the strictest sense of the law – legal. But you do them because they’re in the greater interests of the Social Web!
Frost: Wait. Just so I understand correctly, are you really saying that in certain situations, the Founder of Facebook can decide whether it’s in the best interests of the social web, and then do something illegal?
Zuck: I’m saying that when the Founder of Facebook does it for the Social Web, that means it’s not illegal!
Frost: I’m sorry?
Zuck: That’s what I believe.
Frost: Oh, my god.
Part II of “Frost vs. Zuckerberg” next week.
If you have any topics for Frost or Zuck, email the writer at jeffreymorrisjr@gmail.com Frost/Zuck will answer your questions soon.
