See this is how you do it right people, follow through. All day yesterday and today my stream has been full of tweets trying to get the attention of the Old Spice account to answer them with a video like the ones below.

To Kevin Pereira of Attack of the Show on G4 (@kpereira)

To Jim Alden @TechFrog

To Peter Shankman @skydiver

So what do you think of the marketing campaign? Will it inspire you to go out and buy Old Spice? Personally, if my man didn’t already wear Old Spice I would buy it for him. Wearing it makes him automatically better than you and have magical abs that appear with no work. Plus he can do a real Swan Dive.

Previously on lalawag:

• Ready, Set, Go: Tesla Motors IPO (TSLA)
• Text Your Way Out of a DUI
• iPhone 4 Photos

One typical evening on Twitter a few months ago, Francisco Dao (@theman) coined the term social media entitlement syndrome. The dialogue I observed in my Twitter stream about SMES that night definitely struck a chord. As a frequent social medializer, I couldn’t help but wonder: a) have I ever had SMES? b) do I know people who do? c) can SMES be stopped?

The answers were a) yes b) yes and c) it can at least be mitigated. So after witnessing a series of events that have spawned misunderstandings, hasty judgment calls, and hurt feelings, Nicole Jordan (@nicolejordan) and I felt that the need for a Lalawag article on the issue could no longer be ignored.

The definition of SMES has a number of variations. Here are a few that we collected.

1. Feeling and behaving as if one should be granted certain privileges (event access, free products, job offers) because he/she is well-known in social media.

2. Expecting all-access to an individual’s private life because he/she occasionally posts personal items in social networks.

3. Acting like it’s acceptable and normal to piss (bombard w/comments, tweets, DMs) on someone’s social stream.

4. Demanding that people retweet your content, and resenting them if they don’t.

5. Assuming that because you correspond with someone via social media, you should be invited to every social gathering that person plans or is involved with.

It’s quite the catch-22. The main reason many people use social media is to connect with others. We connect by putting ourselves out there. The question then is where is the line in respecting privacy when so many of us are choosing to live publicly? As Francisco recently opined, “We’re dealing with a world where people think that it’s all community, as in community property.”

Being part of a community is one of the greatest perks that comes with using social media. But it’s gotten to the point that because so many people can see what we’re doing and who we’re doing it with that social boundaries no longer exist. There is no more reading between the lines because no one is drawing any lines. As a result, the same platforms that some communities have used to communicate and strengthen ties are becoming turn-offs for some people.

Much of the discrepancy may be due to the fact that people using social media have different agendas. Some use it strictly for business. Some for shits and giggles. Some for spying. And others use it simply to share and feel connected. And there are plenty of us that use SM for all of the above.

We talked to some of our online and offline friends and came up with a few common points for all of us who have been guilty of, fallen victim to, or grown weary of social media entitlement syndrome to keep in mind.

Business is Business, Not a Little Blue Bird

There is the old adage, “don’t shit where you eat,” which in a perfect world is great advice. But what if our professions require that we shit (network) everywhere? Are we to starve and live on nothing but a business cocktail here and there?

No. Becoming friends with people in our social media platforms and offline is beautifully human, not to mention fun. And though it’s often frowned upon, mixing business with friendship can be a wonderful experience. BUT being a social media acquaintance or a personal friend with someone does not mandate the pursuit of a professional relationship on either side. Our social networks, Twitter in particular, are extensions of our offline communities, where we share information, and we applaud and help one another. However, helping does not necessarily mean hiring.

The business and social lines or lack there of can be blurred in other ways, as well. Knowing who someone is through social media doesn’t mean we know them. People are only as transparent as they choose to be about certain aspects of their lives. We show people what we want them to see through social media. That’s not transparency, it’s strategic marketing.

We’ve heard countless stories about people who follow another on Twitter, are excited to meet the @, and then proceed to launch into a conversation with a tone that implies one expects the other to review something, respond to requests right away, get that person into an event, or that you’re now pals.

The term “friend” has become abused and is becoming devoid of meaning. We refer to our “social media” connections as friends so often that the word “friends” has become a throw-away term. Perhaps acquaintance sounds too cold for someone that you “share” with. But the truth is, you may follow an “influencer” and exchange some tweets, support with RT’s, drop some shout-outs so people saw you tweeting with said person, but none of that means you KNOW the person.

Relationships are more than 140 characters

Relationships, professional and personal, take time to develop. Lately, there seems to be a lack of understanding about this. Actions are executed at lightning speed in social media because they’re all done through a computer or a device. The problem is that we spend so much time plugged in that our ADHD-induced mentality is transcending into our lives offline, which reduces the value of putting time into cultivating important relationships with people. While connecting and sharing online can start a true friendship, it’s the time you spend together in person or on the phone, interacting, that really separates the wheat from the chaff, if you will.

Social media is enabling “Wedding Crashers.”

One of the beauties of the social web is that there is never a shortage of things to do. Your dance card can be full or empty, it’s up to you. People are always tweeting out and FB’ing events with open invitations, but more than once we’ve heard about gatherings that were meant to be private and ended up being was crashed by someone who saw it appear on a public timeline.

In one instance, a person ended up attending a private event at a home. When confronted after, the person said, “I didn’t think it was a big deal since so many people I knew were going.” The organizer became much more diligent about making events on Facebook private to prevent it from happening again.

Another example took place when a group of friends, mind you these were people who are actually friends, went out to dinner. Someone tweeted who was there and soon after three people that none of them knew showed up, said they saw the tweet and that they came to hang. No invitation was actually extended.

There’s much debate to the “if you want it private don’t tweet about it or keep it closed on Facebook” vein-of-thinking but what we’ve heard, and witnessed firsthand, is a pulling back and censoring of what people want to put out there. And not only that it’s starting to give rise to resentment.

Deciding what to share comes down to personal preference and knowing what your boundaries are and communicating them. If you really don’t want to have your name tweet-dropped because there’s a particular social media stalker just waiting for an opportunity to corner you in a private setting, let the people you’re with know so they can be sensitive to it.

Beware of social climbers

A term we’ve heard tossed around with much frequency is “social climber.” This can be a bit delicate as any person who appreciates social media can attest, the connections you make that you never would have otherwise is part of what makes it all so great. But, some people are starting to become more guarded with the people they meet through social media because they’re feeling used by others who appear to only want to make the connection so they can tweet-drop or FB you and up their street cred.

When we’ve heard this complaint it’s always followed with some qualifier like, “I don’t want that to come across as arrogant and that I don’t appreciate that someone is interested in being connected to me…”

This is, in part, a bit of the Twitter myth, no? The illusion that Twitter follower size or the appearances that you’re friends with a well-known @ is what creates influence. When someone starts to feel like they’re being “climbed,” one action we’ve heard is that they review that person’s tweets and evaluate the level of tweet-dropping, over-enthusiasm and level of aggressiveness to include themselves. If that person’s online actions tend to be geared toward “getting-in” and being “seen,” their target just might run even further away.

As stated earlier, both of us have been guilty of a little SMES. Everyone probably has at one time or another. To avoid falling ill with the syndrome keep these points in mind and most importantly try to remember, there is an entire world out there that has nothing to do with Twitter or Facebook.

Update:

See Nicole and Melissa talk about SMES on This Week in Social Media

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BlueGlass LA is the follow-up conference to the Search & Social Summit that took place this year in May. We were able to catch up with Tony Adam, one of the brains behind the creation of the conference, to find out what to expect this July.

1. Give me some background on how BlueGlass LA came about?

Honestly, I’ve been wanting an online marketing focused conference in Los Angeles for some time now, about 2 years, so I have been pushing to make it happen. At Search and Social Summit, I was chatting with Dave Snyder and we decided to make it happen along with the help of Chris Winfield and 10e20. I pushed really hard and made sure that it happened with the help of everyone else involved.

2. Who are the people behind Blueglass that are making it all possible?

BlueGlass LA is a collaboration between internet marketing companies Search & Social and 10e20 along with myself, Tony Adam .

3. What do you think LA residents will benefit most from in attending BlueGlass LA?

Technology, Marketing, Media & Entertainment and any other professional in the LA area would benefit by coming to this because of the holistic online marketing approach that we are taking. We still have that Search and Social Media Marketing focus, but, with broader topics and appeal. At the end of the day we wanted the best speakers on a great lineup brought together for the most value of any other conference. At around $500, it is a steal compared to most other online marketing conferences of its kind.

4. Is it true that you are actually a SEO Ninja?

HA! I don’t think I am…People tell me I am modest about it, but, I’m still learning so much daily and when you have amazing peers like Chris Winfield, Dave Snyder, Greg Boser, Neil Patel, etc. around at all times, I feel like I’m just barely scratching the surface. :)

Thanks Tony, sounds like it will be an enriching experience. Tickets are on sale now at an Early Bird price and lucky lalawag readers can enjoy a 10% discount off of admission by using the code lalawagbgla.

The Early bird price, $495,  runs until today June 10, 2010 so act fast .  It includes admission to both days of the conference, all speaker sessions, hyper-networking opportunities with speakers and attendees, three meals/day (breakfast, lunch & dinner), cash bar and two nights of evening entertainment.

Details

Date: Monday, July 19th to Tuesday, July 20th

Time: Agenda

Speaker Line up:

Ben Huh from ICanHasCheezburger
Rand Fishkin from SEOmoz
Neil Patel from KISSMetrics
Tony Adam from MySpace
Marshall Simmonds from The New York Times
Greg Boser of 3Dog Media
Dave McClure from FF Angel
Vanessa Fox from NinebyBlue

…..and many more

Location:
Marina del Rey Marriott
4100 Admiralty Way
Marina Del Rey, CA 90292

Tickets: $495 Early Bird Price

Previously on lalawag:

• Twitter: Not Just a Link Farm
• Late Night Booty Calls with Shira
• SXSW: In One Word

But even here in America, land of the free and home of the brave, we still hear about people losing their jobs because they blogged or tweeted about their boss.  And actually, that’s all legal, since most (if not all) states are “hire at will” employment, which means an employer can fire you just because…at least as long as they are willing to pay unemployment taxes.

However, colleges and universities have long been outstanding bastions of truth and liberty, where left and right alike coalesce to present their ideas, petitions and even protests.  Freedom of speech, and especially freedom of the press, has been an inheritance passed down since the early days of our country.  It has never been really challenged…until now.

It came to my attention earlier this evening through Twitter that a student at Mount San Antonio college was suspended for tweeting about her professor.  There apparently was a personality conflict and when a student assistant found out, she notified the professor of the incident.  He apparently felt threatened, despite the fact that his name wasn’t even mentioned in the twitter stream, and pulled enough strings to get the girl suspended.

Now, another late-breaking development has occurred.  While doing research on First Amendment rights and other cases like this, the college news site, MountieWire.com, has pulled the news article completely.  They’ve even gone so far as to expunge any record of it from their Twitter stream as well.  And despite the fact that Google did index the page, it wasn’t cached – so at this point I don’t see any record of it being online, other than the hundreds of tweets pointing to the now-defuct URL, resulting in a 404 page.

As of right now it looks like not only was the student suspended, it appears as if the college newspaper was stiff-armed into backing down from the story altogether. There is no retraction, clarification or any evidence at all that the story was ever online.

While legally the paper and the student were well within their First Amendment rights, at least according to the research of this author (and I’m no legal expert), it appears that the pressure from the school’s administrators has had its impact.  I’m sure this story is far from over. Let’s just hope that in the end its +1 for democracy and -1 for administrative BS.

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As a visitor to the site you can search the Audioo database by keyword and area code, or browse by specific categories including Sexy, Funny, Crunk, Work, Legal, and more. You will see a transcript of the voicemail before you listen to it. That way you can avoid any of the ones you mind find lacking in entertainment.

You also have the ability to vote a voicemail up or down by using the OMG! and WTF? tools, as well as leave a comment, holla back!

I spent some time on the site and rounded up five voicemails I thought you would find amusing.

Hmmm, someone is a little kinky!

Who ships live animals through UPS?! At least they didn’t use FedEx, it would be dead for sure.

The Jerky Boys = pure comedy gold.

I’m really surprised she gave him her real number.

Crazy Alert!

If you get the chance, I highly recommend spending some time listening to the messages in the “love” section. I have to say I feel pretty sorry for that Mark guy!

Wanna join in the fun? Call 1-405-4-AUDIOO (405-428-3466) and leave a ridiculous message. It will be recorded, transcribed, and posted to Audioo under an Anonymous user account.

Related Articles:

• AudioMicro Acquires Audioo: Hilarity Ensues
• Create Your Own Videos With Flixtime

2. If a guy tells you that he is “not like most guys,” then assure yourself that he is a liar and a douchecandle and take your sweet ass home.

3. If a chick tells you that she only likes hanging out with men and has no girlfriends, run. Fast. And never, ever look back. She’ll cling.

4. If you are always getting cockblocked, it’s you, not them.

5. Men: texting a woman to ask her out is appropriate if you’d prefer she think you are a pussy and completely un-screwable.

6. If you are stuck in the dreaded “friend zone” the best thing to do is stick around for your friend to drink enough that they find you attractive.

7. It’s not that “nice guys finish last,” it’s that, “men who don’t sexily and aggressively throw a woman around the bedroom finish last.”

8. How do you seduce a man? Hate commitment. Love sex. Rinse. Repeat.

9. How do you seduce a woman? Love commitment. Like sex, but also like picnics and talking about feelings. Rinse. Repeat.

10. Be open. Be friendly. Have fun. And, if all that fails, drink whiskey and find someone hotter to make out with.

(Twitter love birds illustration by Yiying Lu)

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“Audioo users are already sharing every conceivable type of voicemail, including drunk-dial calls, the ramblings of crazy ex-girlfriends and boyfriends, and much more,” said Ryan Born, chief executive officer, AudioMicro and Audioo.  “The service has only been up a short while, but some of the voicemails already posted are just insane.”

The service was unveiled on Monday, May 24, 2010 at TechCrunch Disrupt, a conference currently taking place in New York. The service will publish your voicemail to the Audioo website and to your Facebook and Twitter account for optimal sharing. While on the Audioo site, visitors can browse and listen to voicemails by area code and category, including ones like “drunk”, “funny”, and “sexy”. Visitors also have the ability to share the amazingly bad but “oh so good” voicemails they find through Twitter and Facebook.

Audioo is currently hosting a contest called “Jerkin’ with The Jerky Boys.” To participate, just submit a voicemail to Audioo from now until June 30th. It will be judged by Johnny Brennan, creator of The Jerky Boys. He will select the funniest voicemail and the winner will receive an Apple iPad. Get more information about the contest here. The service is free, and there are a variety of ways you can submit your message. To register for an Audioo account, visit www.audioo.com.

AudioMicro stated in their press release that they will operate Audioo as a separate division, and the entire development team will remain with the company. Audioo President Yuri Baranov will assume the role of chief operating officer for both Audioo and AudioMicro and Audioo founder Ben Padnos will remain a company advisor.

Start drinking and leaving those voicemails people, I have work to be distracted from!

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Geek Pride day originated in Albany, New York in 1998. Tim McEachern organized events from 98 to 00 that were called The Geek Pride Festival. In 2006, Geek Pride day gained publicity and was celebrated in Spain and all over the internet. Finally in 2008, Geek Pride Day was officially celebrated in America, man were we slow to catch on.

A manifesto was created to celebrate the first Geek Pride Day which included the following list of basic rights and responsibilities of geeks. Since no one has organized an official meetup, you are hereby required to show off your geekiness on the internet. I will expect to see nerdy Daily Booth pics, embarrassing tweets, plenty of geeky links and of course a hashtag or two.

If anyone would like to organize a last minute tweet-up, *cough Mike Prasad cough*, I would suggest doing it on Plancast and linking to it in the comments.

Basic rights and responsibilities of geeks

Rights:

The right to be even geekier.
The right to not leave your house.
The right to not have a significant other and to be a virgin.
The right to not like football or any other sport.
The right to associate with other nerds.
The right to have few friends (or none at all).
The right to have all the geeky friends that you want.
The right to not be “in-style.”
The right to be overweight and have poor eyesight.
The right to show off your geekiness.
The right to take over the world.

Responsibilities:

Be a geek, no matter what.
Try to be nerdier than anyone else.
If there is a discussion about something geeky, you must give your opinion.
Save any and all geeky things you have.
Do everything you can to show off your geeky stuff as though it were a “museum of geekiness.”
Don’t be a generalized geek. You must specialize in something.
Attend every nerdy movie on opening night and buy every geeky book before anyone else.
Wait in line on every opening night. If you can go in costume or at least with a related T-shirt, all the better.
Don’t waste your time on anything not related to geekdom.
Befriend any person or persons bearing any physical similarities to comic book or sci-fi figures.
Try to take over the world!

(Photo from realgeek.com)

Previously on lalawag:

• A Small Cashflow Problem
• BarCamp LA 7
• This Week In Events: Nov 30 – Dec 5

Always the showman, Calacanis plans to broadcast his Facebook deletion live on the Internet. In an email dispatched today he gives his reasons for the social media seppuku:

“Simply put, I no longer trust Facebook or Mark Zuckerberg with my information.

Additionally, Facebook has become a waste of time for me. Every minute I put into Facebook is a minute I will never get back. It’s time I could have spent writing one of these emails to you guys, finding new startups to invest in, working on Mahalo.com (almost profitable!) or spending time with my family.”

Calacanis goes on to say:

“We signed up with Facebook to share photos and updates with our friends and families. You duped and double-crossed us by giving *your* partners *our* private information so you could begin your world domination plans one Javascript include at a time.

Essentially, Facebook is reselling our data in order to get websites to add the “Like” button. It may not be a cash transaction yet, but it is clearly quid pro quo. If you want to give the world a gift, how about letting us export our own data?”

And finally offers some alternatives to Facebook:

“If you’re tired of Facebook’s games, I suggest that you use the following services: Twitter.com for Updates, Flickr.com for Photo Sharing and Geni.com for your family tree. Those three services are much better for their individual functions (updates, photos and family connections) than Facebook!”

What are your thoughts on Jason’s comments and forthcoming “unliking” of Facebook?

Do you plan to join him Friday or participate in other anti Facebook movements like the Facebook Protest?

If you share this post on Facebook will a kitten die? Best to try and find out.

/via The Jason Nation Mailing List

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However. Without further ado, the eight things that, you, Single Woman, should just really not tweet about:

1. Your period
No one in your entire tweet stream would like to know it’s that time of the month. PMS bitchiness or not, keep it stuffed up, woman.

2. Birth control
Congratulations, you’re having sex enough that you now need to take the pill or the patch or that thing that goes up your vagina for a long time, but either way, whatever your poison, let’s just keep the baby-stopping-procedures to a real minimum. On a scale of 1 to TMI, you’re at about an eight hundred.

3. Your insecurities
Tweeting about your insecurities is like giving people, especially men who might want to date you, an arsenal of reasons NOT TO DATE YOU. Don’t make it any easier for them, sweetie pie.

4. Any bodily functions
God. Just. Ugh. Don’t.

5. How desperate you are
You’re DYING FOR A BOYFRIEND? OR MAYBE FOR A GIRLFRIEND? HEY I DON’T JUDGE. I’M COOL WITH THE GAYS. WHY AM I TYPING IN CAPS? Ah. Okay. Um, you tweeting about your desperation makes you as screw-able as a brick wall.

6. How nobody will date you
If nobody else will date you, keep it on the hush hush, pretty thing. Why? Because, oh, I don’t know, PEOPLE WANT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WANT. It’s a dog eat dog world out there and I have no idea what that phrase means, but I think it fits.

7. How you got rejected
I mean, no, no one at all wants to date someone that is getting rejected all the time. WHY IS THIS NOT COMMON SENSE, LADIES!? YOU CONFUSE ME.

8. How “I’m not crazy, no, really, I’m not”
Except, yeah, that’s cute and all, but you are.

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The course consists of six classes that are taught over the span of four weeks. Each class is geared towards a specific segment of web content and new media that will help the students get their “idea to audience” successfully. Classes will cover production, creative development, post production and one of the most important aspects of the business you can learn, marketing and advertising. If you have a great product but no one knows about it how would you ever succeed?

An essential part of the class schedule are the talented and accomplished speakers that are lined up to speak in class and during the pro-panel. The In Class speaker list for the next course includes union representatives from WGA, SAG, AFTRA and PGA, like:

• Elizabeth Flack – WGA New Media Rep
• Joanna Mamey – SAG New Media Contracts
• Phillip Daniels (New Media Law)
• Jennifer Holland-Still New Media Representative AFTRA
• Chris Dzialo Transmedia Outreach Specialist
• Kim Bailey (Production Designer/Branding)
• Matt Skallerud – Social Media Marketing Expert

The Pro-panel speaker sessions will be live streamed and feature interviews with successful Web TV professionals. Web TV Workshop has teamed up with Mingle Media TV to create an environment where the audience and show hosts will engage in real-time conversations. Anyone watching the live stream will also have the opportunity to participate via Twitter by following and tweeting questions to @webtvworkshop.

The list of Pro- Panel speakers includes:

• Bernie Su – Streamy Award Winner Best Writer – Compulsions.tv
• Mark Gantt – Streamy Award Winner, Best Actor, Best Dramatic Web Series – The Bannen Way
• Liz Shannon Miller – Editor for NewTeeVee.com
• Dana Block – New Media Publicist
• Stephanie Piche – CEO of MingleMediaTV.com
• Dave O’Brian – New Media Producer/Writer/Director
• Amanda Coolong – Tech Zulu Journalist/Start-up Publicity and Marketing
• Steven J. Wolfe – CEO of Sneak Preview Entertainment (500 Days of Summer), PGA

Classes will be held at Sneak Preview Studios in Hollywood, Ca. Space is limited, enroll here . For more information, check out their website webtvworkshop.com and follow them on Twitter @webtvworkshop.

(Photo from lovablevarmint.com)

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Each day I see more and more tweets from people who are simply fed up and dropping the service, but one LA tech maven is not going quietly. Alana Joy, host on This Week In Twitter, has started a campaign to shed some awareness to the privacy issues, it’s called Facebook Protest.

Facebook Protest is asking those who disagree with the changes Facebook has made to it’s privacy policies to commit to not logging in or interacting with Facebook in any way for one whole day. The protest is taking place on June 6th, 2010 and it’s been dubbed D-Day. To participate simply log out of Facebook in all of your browsers on the evening of June 5th, then on the 6th, be sure to not utilize Facebook connect or click any “like” buttons.

I was able to catch up with Alana for a quick interview on why she started the campaign, what Facebook can do to make amends, and what the future of social networking holds.

Interview with Alana Joy

1. Why did you decide to start the Facebook Protest Twitter account and website?

Sometimes I take for granted that the rest of the world doesn’t spend the same amount of time using social media as I do. I don’t think most people really understand just what exactly is going on or why it matters so much. We assume we have certain rights and ownership over our personal information. We assume that our personal information will not be shared with any other website or brand else unless we’ve expressly permitted it. Facebook has lured users into a seemingly safe place: to connect with people they know and reunite people they have lost track of, a place to network with like-minded individuals. A beautiful, however long forgotten ideal. As Facebook has grown is has taken a greedy, irresponsible approach and it’s ever-changing TOS has reflected that.

I personally felt a bit helpless after reading post after post about the outwardly unethical changes that have been made and security breaches that have been reported: and I don’t do helpless. There is always something that can be done. With consumer groups and politicians doing what they could to contest these changes, I felt it was my responsibility to bring what I could do to the table as well. I could use social media to raise awareness and assert a call to action. I wanted to empower not only myself but the other individuals out there who shared my feelings of frustration and gather them together to make one loud statement to Facebook: your users are not happy. Our information is not for sale to your real customer: the advertisers. The advertisers who pay Facebook to show their ads to specific demographics. The more information Facebook can gather about you, the more targeted advertising they can offer to brands, the more money they will make because they are offering specific leads and tailored opportunities.

There have been reports of Facebook selling users images to advertisers as well. A happily married mans photo was used in an advertisement on Facebook for a singles service. Without his permission. Think of the havoc that may have wreaked on someones personal or professional life. To those who have said “if you don’t want it out there, don’t share it on Facebook”: does this mean we should never upload a photo? And if we upload the photo and have our privacy settings to where only friends can see it, but they sell it to an advertiser: what do you say to that? What if after we have uploaded the photo, Facebook yet again changes its TOS without any notice or instructions on how to opt out sent to all users?

2. You are asking people to not log into their Facebook account on D-Day, June 6th, do you think enough people will listen and do you think Facebook will notice?

I’m hoping that through the ripple effect of social media sharing, enough people will discover the protest and decide to take part and encourage their own network to do the same. This is a grass-roots effort, with currently no sponsorship, no team of activists: it’s just me, sharing the information I discover and getting it onto as many screens as possible. Ideally, if enough people did participate, it could hit Facebook in the one place they do care about: their bank account. Facebook is estimated to make over $1 Billion this year. Millions of dollars a day. If this protest is substantial enough, they can’t afford to not care.

3. Are you currently still logging into Facebook each day? If yes, why?

I created a Facebook group for this cause because it is the Facebook user I am reaching out to, however I will be removing myself from Facebook when this is over. Anyone I connect with on Facebook, I connect with in other places as well. There is no real need for Facebook. There are plenty of other places to share my blog posts, the cool things I find online, my photos, etc.

4. What changes can Facebook make that will change your mind about their privacy settings, and make you a regular user again?

After this protest I will not be returning to Facebook. However, Facebook should consider setting all users to be in an opt-out setting by default so that opting in is a choice. What it means to opt-in should be clearly and thoroughly explained, and what information that will be shared and with who should be detailed. I have lost 100% of trust in Facebook as a brand and I encourage others to think twice before trusting Facebook to keep your information secure or to be consistent in their policies

5. If Facebook is not going to listen and change their ways, where do you recommend people should go who want to enjoy the benefits of social networking without privacy concerns? Does such a place exist or are we waiting for someone to make it?

I’m not exactly sure the answer to that question. How about I pose another question: why do we need a single destination as our home base? First we thought Friendster was the end all be all, then along came Myspace. Everyone then thought Myspace was “the one” and Facebook came long. I think we need something new, something open… and yet something that provides individuals with ultimate control over what they publicly share.

There is something I want to make clear: when you hear the term “open web”, please don’t misunderstand what that means. An open web doesn’t mean loss of privacy of your personal information like some people have stated (*cough cough* Scoble *cough cough*). The open web has to do with open source API codes, data portability, etc. It is not only possible but preferable that we maintain control of what personal data gets shared along any lines. To blur the definition of what it means to have an open web is counterproductive and mixing two issues that have nothing to do with each other.

Follow @FacebookProtest on Twitter to join the campaign and check out their website FacebookProtest.com.

Related Articles:

• It’s Easier Than Ever To Stalk Someone With Facebook Places
• Plancast Announces Widgets and API
• @Jason to Perform Live Facebook Harakiri

The Independent Television Festival (ITVFest) week will take place from July 30th – August 5th, 2010. It’s considered the premier festival in the world for independently produced television pilots and webseries. ITVFest gives people the chance to get their work in front of the people who matter most, live audiences and industry professionals. So if you work in this field, you better have your work submitted.

If you’d like a chance to attend the festival but don’t necessarily have the funds to pay for it, you’re in luck. We are giving away two separate all access passes to ITVFest. In order to be considered all you have to do is tweet and tell us “why you want to submit to #ITVFest.” Be sure to include @lalawag and the hashtag #ITVFest in your tweet.

The tweet contest will run from today, until Thursday, May 13th, 2010. You can tweet as many times as you want and we will pick the winners based solely on who we think has the funniest, wittiest answers. By now you should have an idea of our sense of humor, so have at it. Friday afternoon we will sort through the tweets and announce the two winners. Good Luck!

Click here for more information regarding the categories submissions are being accepted in. Keep up with all of ITVFest news by following them on Twitter @ITVFest.

Related Articles:

• ITVFest: Who To Watch
• The 5th Annual ITVFest: Where TV Magic Happens
• This Week In Events

Which brings us to the next really big issue with the internet and dating, which also leads me to believe that there are an endless amount of issues with the internet and dating but that’s neither HERE NOR THERE, so we’ll just move on to the absolute craziness that is oversharing. ALL THE OVERSHARING.

As in, no, dude, do not tell me what all your insecurities are. Because, you know what happens when you do this? When you overshare every single one of your insecurities? ALL I FOCUS ON ARE YOUR INSECURITIES. THAT MOLE ON YOUR COLLARBONE? FOCUSING ON IT. FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS!

And, don’t get me wrong here, I’m possibly one of the reigning queens of the overshare, so I’m mostly writing this as a detailed and open letter to myself, but just because I CAN’T STOP OVERSHARING DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU SHOULDN’T ATTEMPT TO STOP. BE STRONGER THAN ME, PEOPLE.

I’m really sorry I keep yelling at you. It’s all the cosmos I had at dinner. No, seriously. Like, four of them. That’s a lot of alcohol. Also, I’m oversharing in my blog post about oversharing, so at some point, you’re getting a clear idea of WHO I AM. Which is to say, I’m a hypocrite. I’m telling you to stop sharing every mundane and personal detail of your life with the internet, but clearly, and I mean, CLEARLY, I can’t even look myself in the mirror and take my own advice.

Then again, am I the type of person who won’t shell out advice without taking it myself? No, my friends, I am not. So, here I go, listening to Kate Nash and standing on my soapbox, telling you that when you are talking to someone you’ve only met online, you should probably, I don’t know, STOP WITH THE INCESSANT NEED TO SHARE THINGS YOU’D NEVER SHARE EVEN IF YOU WERE, YOU KNOW, SITTING ACROSS FROM SOMEONE DRINKING LOTS AND LOTS OF ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES.

Like, let’s just say, for the record, that when it comes to the internet and when it comes to possibly dating someone you met from the internet, that if you are thinking of telling them something that you wouldn’t tell them after two cocktails IN REAL LIFE, then you probably should real quickly hit BACKSPACE BACKSPACE BACKSPACE. Is this a good rule of thumb? I think so. I know so. So, let’s follow it. Let’s ALL follow it. Including me. But not including me. Because I’m allowed to give advice I don’t take. I know better.

Except I don’t know better. And I maybe cry a lot. And drink excessive amounts of vodka that looks pink, but is terribly lethal. So, I don’t know. Ignore this. Or don’t. It’s your call.

Wait. What just happened?

It’s so cold.

Related Articles:

• 6 Ways To Make A Disaster Out Of Your Love Life
• 4 Reasons Why Online Dating Isn’t Working
• The Future of Technology: Crowdsourcing Your Dates

I would probably pick it up, just like the folks in this prank video from Break.com. Hopefully I wouldn’t fall on my ass as the alarm goes off though.

Microsoft Office Car Alarm Prank – Watch more Funny Videos

Related Articles:

• Inside the Microsoft Kinect Launch Party
• Microsoft Underground Party Photos
• Get the VIP Treatment from @wmmarc

Details

Tony Stark Innovation Challenge – Better Living Through Design and Technology

The Challenge:

Showcase innovation and intelligence that is Stark worthy.

In Iron Man 2, Tony takes Stark Industries in a new direction, forgoing weapons manufacturing. Now, he wants to see what you can do. Submit a two-minute video that demonstrates better living through technology philosophy. Show how your idea works and why it will change the way we live and make the world a better place by solving a problem or improving an existing solution. Then, encourage your friends to watch and talk about it. Entries will be judged by Tony Stark and Audi, viewer ratings will help determine top entries.

The Reward:

A $15,000 grant to help make the top concept a reality and a tech-lover’s dream adventure.

Audi will furnish the winner with a complete VIP treatment, including: a private helicopter tour of Los Angeles and beyond, test flight with the yet-to-be released ICON A5 amphibious aircraft, and an unforgettable experience behind-the-wheel of a2010 Audi R8 at Infineon Raceway. In addition, they’ll receive $15K in seed funding to get their project off the ground.

Video submission entries are being accepted now through the end of June. Check out the Tony Stark Innovation Challenge for more entry and prizing details.

Previously on lalawag:

• Savings.com Gets Money To Save You Money
• #Crunchup Photos
• Brooks Bayne at the Whiskey

Related Articles:

• Google Instant: Get the Wrong Search Result … Faster!
• Browsers and the Modes of Transportation They Resemble
• 10 Ways to Improve Google Buzz

There are two options to choose from when posting your job:

1. lalawag.com & JobThread Network – When you post your job ad to the JobThread Network, you’re not only tapping the power of lalawag.com but more than seventy five niche publishing sites that generate 100 million impressions and reach more than 20 million unique visitors every month. You’re also tapping the power of our targeting technology that presents your ad to the most qualified candidates, alongside the most relevant content. The JobThread Network expands your reach without diluting your candidate pool.

Price: Pay for Performance — Only 49 cents per matching view, you set your max budget. The most cost effective way to fill your open positions.

2. Just lalawag.com – Reach the targeted audience of lalawag.com. Your ad will still be displayed to qualified candidates alongside relevant content, but its reach will be limited to just lalawag.com.

Price: Free
Duration: 30 days

We also have a Twitter account set up, because well let’s face it everything needs a Twiter account these days. Follow us at @lalajobs.

Previously on lalawag:

• Twitter: Not Just a Link Farm
• Twitter Art
• She’s Foxxxy: The A.V. Flox Interview

1. Lie to yourself
Remember that time you were all, “Oh, that person I dated? Yeah, I’m totally over them!” And your roommate rolled her eyes at you, because she could hear you whimpering in your room last night, but instead of you admitting that, you just got really drunk on whiskey and called the person you were supposedly “so over”? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT TIME? Yeah, that time = you being a hot mess. So, next time you think you’re over a person after only two days, look yourself in the mirror and be all, “Don’t lie to me, snatch” and go be sad if you need to. Also, for the men reading this? You can call yourself “snatch” as well, but you’d probably prefer “bro” or “douche.” I’m not entirely sure what men refer to themselves as. No, “stud” is not an alternative. Shut that one down.

2. Be in love with someone, but date someone else instead
Do you ever watch Private Practice? Do you want to shank yourself after you do so? Because it’s like, Sam and Addison are in love, but Addison is with Pete and then Violet has a baby with Pete and is still in love with him. With Pete, not the baby. Come on people, KEEP UP. Like, no, Private Practice Cast of Characters, a healthy alternative to being in love with someone is definitely not to DATE SOMEONE ELSE. It’s to, I don’t know, DATE THE PERSON YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH. Fucking Addison. She’s so infuriating.

3. Fall for someone you know you can’t have
Oh! This! Is! Something! I! Love! To! Do! And by love, I mean, I want to waterboard myself when I do this. Again. And again. And then, oh wait, again? Sure, why not! It’s like no, Jamie readers, don’t be interested in someone who falls into any of the following categories: lives in another country, has a significant other, is emotionally unavailable, straight up isn’t interested. Just, don’t. Just stop the little nugget in your brain that wants to be a raging masochist and nip it in the bud before it gets to the place where, I don’t know, whiskey needs to be involved and you’re wondering how you got so pathetic and you’re considering knitting sweaters for the cats you’ll inevitably be surrounding yourself with. Just, don’t.

4. Say you want one thing, but secretly want something entirely different
You know how fun it is to be all, “No, I’m so breezy and casual, I want no commitments!” And then you totally fall for someone and, all of a sudden, you’re all, “OH JUST KIDDING, I WANT YOU TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME.” So, how about, you just don’t say the first part? Just, shhhh. Just, for example, say that you do not know what you want, but that you’d be interested in getting to know the person further, because the problem with saying you don’t want something upfront is that the other person gets into the relationship THINKING YOU WERE TELLING THE TRUTH. And, I know, I KNOW. This seems like I’m lecturing you, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, I’m more so lecturing myself. But, you already knew that.

5. Sleep with someone “casually”
There is actually one person in my life at the moment that I believe I could sleep with casually. ONE. Actual ONE. And, believe me, if you think you can sleep with someone casually and not have it ever get weird or complicated, you can’t. You just can’t. Reality is a bitch.

6. Be unable to talk about your feelings
If you are unable to talk about how you feel, then you have no, zero, ZILCH, business even involving yourself romantically with someone else. Just, step away from me the person. I’m sorry to break it to you, but no person of whom is attracted to you should get within any sort of radius of you if you are unable to communicate with them. It should be a disclaimer, a warning sign, that you need to tell anyone that is even remotely, potentially, MAYBE interested in you. “You have the right to remain uninterested. I am a person who is still unable to communicate my feelings in any sort of coherent way. Anything you say will be ignored. Proceed with caution.”

Related Articles:

• Just Stop With All The Oversharing Or Be Single Forever
• 4 Reasons Why Online Dating Isn’t Working
• The Future of Technology: Crowdsourcing Your Dates

Friday night you meet up with all the other awesome developers, business managers, startup enthusiasts, marketing gurus, graphic artists and local entrepreneurs in your city at the event. Ideas are pitched and people start breaking off into groups. Usually around nine groups total are formed.

Saturday morning your team gets to work on developing the idea. The LA event will include startup waffles in the morning and a poolside rooftop BBQ break for lunch. Throughout the day guest speakers will pop in and there will be music and sponsors set up for you to chat with when you need a break.

Sunday begins at 9am and you have until 6pm to figure out if you have a viable product to launch. More special guests pop in during the day. Presentations begin at 9pm and there is also a discussion about what worked, what didn’t and how to make it better.

You may be asking yourself what attendees get out of all of this hard work? It’s a unique opportunity that you can’t find anywhere else. Many people forge connections and friendships not to mention companies. In the past ideas from Startup weekend have gone on to produce revenue and get seed funding. Your drinks and food are also covered and even though it’s work, it’s the kind of work that is fun to do. Building something you are excited about with others that share the same passion often doesn’t feel like work at all.

Tickets are also unique in that you get pick what kind of role you want for the weekend. There are nine different types to choose from. If something is sold out, don’t panic, you can also purchase a ticket under a different role. They are not designed to represent your day job, but rather what you would like to spend the weekend doing and often people change roles throughout the weekend. For a better description of each role check out the ticket info under the FAQ section. This years event is already sold out. I suggest signing up early next time to ensure you get a spot. You can ask to be added to the waitlist in hopes that a spot opens up.

Some of the speakers that are lined up to pop in during the weekend are: Sean Percival, Scott Sangster, Andy Wilson, Will Schroter, Ryan Roberts, Mark Suster and Kimberly King-Burns. Francisco Dao from Twiistup will also be there as  a judge.

Check out la.startupweekend.org for more information on the event and follow them on Twitter @startupweekend. Attendees will be using the hashtag #lasw if you want to follow along as the weekend unfolds, it should be pretty exciting.

Details

Dates: April 30th to May 2nd

Time: The schedule is open for you to come and go as you please. A general breakdown can be found here.

Location:
coloft
920 Santa Monica Blvd
Santa Monica, Ca 90401

Tickets: $75 (sold out)

Hashtag for the event is #lasw

Related Articles:

• Startup Weekend Los Angeles Photos

Late last night Sean Percival decided to have a little fun with this idea and give some insight to his Twitter followers by offering to judge them based solely on their avatar:

Immediately people started at replying him, wishing to be judged. Here are some of my favorites:

Mark Krynsky @krynsky

Richard Lawler @rjcc

Jamie Varon @jamievaron

Brandon Martinez @awesomeosity

George Ruiz @georgeruiz

Natasha Wescoat @natasha

Joe Pierce @jpierce

Luis Mendoza @mightymendoza

Related Articles:

• Friday Fun: Draw My Tweet
• Adam Bain Flies the Coop on FAN, Lands at Twitter
• Twitter Get Its Own Retweet Button

“With digital studios like Crackle, Fox Television Studios 15 Gigs, Babelgum, and more finding success and expanding rapidly, there is a growing industry need for professional digital creatives that provide New Media content in this space,” said Matthew Arevalo, Co-Founder of NewMedialocity, “Our students will learn from industry insiders and award winners, the story of their success and their struggles, valuable insight needed to compete in web television and beyond.”

The academy consists of four-week courses that focuses on these areas, creative development, production, post production/technology and social networking/sponsorship. Each class will be taught in a supportive and creative environment and feature guest speakers and teachers that have developed successful models.

Some of the guests slated for the fist course include: Bernie Su (Compulsions), Elizabeth Flack (WGA New Media), Liz Shannon Miller, (NewTeeVee), Mark Gantt (The Bannen Way).

Each screening mixer will t feature the work of their students and other leading industry creatives. After the screening there will be a Q&A session with the creators. The screening mixers are set up to give people the chance to mingle and interact with other professionals that share the same passions.

NewMedialocity is hosting an open house tonight so others can get acquainted with Dogma Studios, learn more about the academy and have a great time networking with other industry professionals. The evening will include live music, great guests, a surprise interactive experience. The Worldfare Bus will also be on site, yum, and drinks will be available.

If you are thinking of joining the academy you’ll definitely want to take advantage of the sweet offer they have going on today. If you tweet out “I want to join the New Media Academy @NewMedialocity!” and follow their twitter account, you will be entered for a chance to win free tuition, a $199 value. You have until midnight tonight, April, 28th, to get your tweet in.

Details

NewMedialocity Open House & Mixer – Come and join us for the OPEN HOUSE of NewMedialocity, The New Media Academy! the evening will include live music, great guests & a surprise interactive experience. The @Worldfare Bus will also be there peddling their supper yummy food.

Date: Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Time: 7:30pm to 10:00pm

Location:
Dogma Studios
4136 Del Rey Avenue
Marina del Rey, Ca

Tickets: Free

(Photo from newmedialocity.com)

Previously on lalawag:

• How To Get Laid With Twitter
• Los Angeles Is The Top Twittering City
• Digital Hollywood Conference

2. The Pioneer Woman
I’m starting to see a pattern here, what with Dooce and Pioneer Woman. Marry hot man. Breed adorable children with said hot man. Blog about life with adorable children, pets, and very hot man. BECOME INTERNET FAMOUS! Except, there are plenty of holes in this logic and I hate it and I would like all the really pretty women with really pretty families to stop this blogging nonsense so I wouldn’t turn into some (really pretty) bitter chick who surprisingly doesn’t want to live on a ranch, but would if it meant hot rancher with successful blogging career. Also, hot rancher reminded me of jolly ranchers and now I kind of want one. The watermelon kind. SO GOOD. Let’s go get some, k? We’ll suck on the hard candy and bad mouth people we’re jealous of. YAY.

3. The Bloggess
Okay, so she’s a little nutty. Okay, A LOT NUTTY. But, she’s fucking hilarious and has this really funny husband who puts up with all her crazy and it makes me think, “AM I EVER GOING TO FIND SOMEONE THAT PUTS UP WITH MY CRAZY? WHAT IF THERE IS UNDISCOVERED CRAZY IN ME AND NO ONE WILL LOVE ME?” Except, then I cry a little and drink too much whiskey and that’s probably not the answer for anything. Except, maybe it’s the answer to everything. You let me know.

4. Facebook
“John and Gloria are now in a relationship.” “Brenda and Jake are now engaged!” WE GET IT. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF, YOU PEOPLE IN HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS. Oh, you’re engaged? Yeah, well, I’m single without even one marriage prospect, so why don’t you take your Facebook Official bullshit OUT OF HERE and BE ENGAGED IN PRIVATE? You sicken me with all your happiness. SICKEN!

5. eHarmony
eHarmony makes such lofty promises in such a breezy and inconsequential way. “YOU WILL FIND LOVE.” “SCIENTIFICALLY-PROVEN TO FIND YOU LOVE.” And then you’ll sign up for it and, oh, I don’t know, NOT FIND LOVE and so all of a sudden you’re in the fetal position wondering why not even SCIENCE CAN HELP YOU FIND LOVE. You’re actually SO defective that the rules of science have completely unapplied themselves from you. That’s some bullshit, ain’t it?

6. PostSecret
So, on PostSecret, you have two different types of things: 1. really, really sickeningly cute optimism about love, or 2. really, really frightening sadness about lost love. There’s hardly any in between and it simultaneously makes me feel really hopeful, but also really depressed. It’s like, life is really shitty for some people and I’d like to live in a bubble so as to shield myself from any and all bad feelings, so please, bring me my bubble and probably my vibrator and potentially my iPhone. I think that’s all I need to feel good forever. Yep.

7. My personal blog
When I tweeted for help on this blog post, a few people responded with my blog. AS IF MY PERSONAL BLOG WOULD MAKE PEOPLE HATE THEIR LOVE LIFE. I mean, REALLY. My blog is a straight up shrine to the ridiculousness that is my love life. If anything, what I write about over there (and here, for that matter!) should make any self-respecting person feel pretty damn good about themselves. So, next time you’re all, “I HATE MY LOVE LIFE!” just think, “WELL AT LEAST IT’S NOT AS BAD AS THAT CHICK JAMIE’S. BITCH IS CRAZY.”

Related Articles:

• Just Stop With All The Oversharing Or Be Single Forever
• 6 Ways To Make A Disaster Out Of Your Love Life
• 4 Reasons Why Online Dating Isn’t Working

This years ITVFest is taking place on July 30th – August 5th, 2010 but the deadline for early submissions is tomorrow, Friday April 23rd. If you want to be considered for the competition you have to get your submission in by May 18, at the absolute latest. All submissions have a fee but the earlier you submit, the less expensive it is.

They are looking for the most innovative, creative, original pilots and webseries presently being produced. But there is a catch, in order to be in the competition they must be independently produced. There will be a separate non-competition category for pilots or web series that were done by a network or paid for by a studio.

Here are the categories they are accepting submissions for:

• Comedy
• Drama
• Alternative/Documentary (reality, game show, etc.)
• Animated
• Mobifest
• Out of competition pilots

The categories for the competition are:

• Comedy
• Drama
• Alternative/Documentary (reality, game show, talk show, etc.)
• Animated

There will be awards in the following categories:

• Best Dramatic Program
• Best Comedic Program
• Best Alternative/Documentary Program
• Best Animated Program
• Best Mobile Content
• Best TV Show
• Best Webseries
• Audience Award
• Best Performance
• Best Director
• Best Writer
• Best Cinematography

Find out what ITVFest is all about, and why you should participate, from people who know it best. I spotted Tim Street, Drew Baldwin and Felicia Day in the video, how many other familiar faces will be in attendance?

Keep up with ITVFest on twitter @itvfest and friend them on MySpace and Facebook.

Get to know them

The Independent Television Festival (ITVFest) is a non profit, that was founded in 2006 to encourage changes in conventional television and the growth of artistic expression in television and new media. Simultaneously, ITVFest provides local, national and international artistic communities with a public forum for independently produced television pilots and webseries.

Related Articles:

• ITVFest: Who To Watch
• Submit To ITVFest
• This Week In Events

Cases in point:

1. OkCupid
All right, this one is pretty obvious, but I’d be remiss to not include the online dating app amidst this list. Wink at people from your phone! Message them! Invite them over! Men to doorstep. Done.

2. GrubHub
So, the other night, I was at a bar with friends for Margarita Monday and we wanted thai food, so I downloaded the GrubHub app, ordered the delicious noodles and rice, and had IT DELIVERED TO THE BAR. As in, I didn’t even need to speak to one person or exchange any money, because the delivery guy came straight to our corner of the bar and I had already paid with my credit card. It was glorious. But, then I got to thinking that this is such a porn fantasy for women to take advantage of the delivery man and thanks to GrubHub I can order one up, choose my ethnicity, AND have dinner after. Fool proof plan, I’d say.

3. Taxi Magic
This iPhone app has saved my life numerous times, as in there was this one time where it was pouring rain and I had just bought the iPhone 3GS, so none of my apps were installed. But, I was stuck in the rain and the goddamn stupid bus decided not to show up, so I downloaded Taxi Magic and had a cab pick me up within five minutes. He was a really good driver and gave me his card and told me to call whenever I needed a taxi, so now all I need to do is signal him (kind of like the Batman signal, but maybe in the shape of a headlight, which, really, would just be the spotlight with no shape cutout, but oh my dear god, where was I?) and he’ll come to my doorstep.

So, really, at any given time, I can have men from OkCupid, GrubHub, and Taxi Magic all lined up around the block just WAITING TO TALK TO ME. Okay, yeah, so 2/3 of them want money from me in exchange for some sort of item or service, but that’s just a technicality. I don’t get caught up in the details, people, and neither should you. This iPhone app business is about bringing an abundance of men into your life and I suggest you start downloading and watch them line up.

Because, baby, you’re worth it!

I mean, what?

(Header photo from zoosk.com)

Related Articles:

• Dating Advice in 140 Characters Or Less
• 8 Things Single Women Should Never Tweet About
• Just Stop With All The Oversharing Or Be Single Forever

Everyday women and children walk an average of six Kilometers (3.5miles) to get water. The funds raised from this event will benefit Global Water Challenge, a coalition of non-profit organisations that works to bring safe drinking water to millions of people. Including communities in Hati, Central America, Sub-Saharan Africa, and Southeast Asia. All you have to do is show up and lend your support. They are even providing music for you to enjoy during and after the walk.

The concert featuring award-winning singers and songwriters starts at 9:00am and Melissa Etheridge will take the stage at 11:00am. World renowned athletes Kara Goucher, nine-time Olympic gold medalist Carl Lewis, and professional athlete and fashion model Jenny Fletcher will be participating in the event as well. Registration for walking is closed but you can still donate online.

Live Earth will be posting content from all the events taking place throughout the day on their site, LiveEarth.org. They are encouraging others to contribute their own photos and videos here:

Video

Flickr group

Help spread the word about this event by using the hashtag #RunForWater. Download the free Live Earth android/iPhone app from Mobile Roadie here.  Check out tweets about the event by following @LiveEarth.

Details

Date: Sunday, April 18, 2010

Time: Walks starts at 8:00am Concert at 9:00am

Location:
Exposition Park
3825 South Figueroa
Los Angeles, Ca

Tickets: Donate here

The Los Angeles Dow Live Earth Run for Water event will be held in Exposition Park, near downtown Los Angeles, with the 6km course starting on Exposition Park Drive, turning onto Figueroa and traveling three kilometers toward downtown, turning around at 17th Street for the return three kilometers, and ending in the Water Village in Expo Park.

Related Articles:

• TWITS: Haiti, and Hating
• Love the Climate!

But what about the nominees who were announced as winners this year? Don’t they deserve a tastefully done moment of recognition for their hard work? Many felt that they do and it appears that two women have stepped up to do something about it.

Jenni Powell and Kim Evey have put together an informal gathering taking place tonight, April 15th at Acme Comedy Theater. Winners will be in attendance and given the opportunity to speak for 1-2 minutes about their creation, what web entertainment means to them, and their thoughts on net neutrality.

“This is not about airing out grievances about the Streamy Awards ceremony, it is about celebrating those who were chosen by their peers as the best representations of web video in a variety of categories.” -from jennipowell.com

Members of the community who are located in Los Angeles are invited to join the event. There will be no red carpet this time and press will be in attendance. This is your chance to meet the winners in a relaxed environment, hear what they have to say and then pop next door to the Amalfi Restaurant to celebrate their achievements with a drink.

The theater is relatively limited, holding only 99 people inside and an additional 40 that will be able to stand and watch on monitors from the lobby. Because of the limited space, attendees will be seated in the following order:

• 2010 Streamy Winners and their guests
• Press and 2010 Streamy nominees
• Additional guests on a first come/first served basis

The event will also be streamed to the public and web community at large on Acme Comedy’s website. Hashtag for the event is #celebratetheweb.

Details

Thursday, April 15th at 8 PM PST (7:30 drinks at Amalfi next door)

Acme Comedy Theater
135 S. La Brea Avenue
Los Angeles, CA 90036-2911

When you arrive, please check in at the ACME box office where there will be a sign in sheet for additional guests as well as name tags. The ceremony itself should last no more than an hour and the most important part of the evening is the opportunity to mingle and enjoy time with each other before and after the event.

Those confirmed to be attending in person thus far include:

Best Comedy Web Series
Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis
Dan Strange (Director)

Best Drama Web Series, Best Directing for a Drama Web Series, Best Male Actor in a Drama Web Series
The Bannen Way
Mark Gantt (Creator, Actor) Jesse Warren (Creator, Director)

Best Directing for a Comedy Web Series
The Guild
Sean Becker

Best Writing for a Drama Web Series
Compulsions
Bernie Su

Best Foreign Web Series
OzGirl

Best Female Actor in a Comedy Web Series
Felicia Day (The Guild)

Best Interactive Experience in a Web Series, Best Mobile Experience in a Web Series
Valemont

Best Visual Effects in a Web Series
Fear Clinic

With video submissions by:

Best Hosted Web Series
Diggnation
Alex Albrecht

Best New Web Series
Odd Jobs
Jeremy Redleaf

Best Writing for a Comedy Web Series
Wainy Days
David Wain

Best Female Actor in a Drama Web Series
Anyone But Me
Rachael Hip-Flores

Best Vlogger
Shane Dawson

Best Live Production in a Web Series
Kevin Pollak’s Chat Show
Michael Rotman (producer/director)

Best Animated Web Series
How It Should Have Ended

Best News or Politics Web Series, Best Experimental Web Series, Best Original Music in a Web Series
Auto-Tune the News

(Photo by TheBuiBrothers.com)

Related Articles:

• The Community Speaks Up About The 2010 Streamys
• How To Get Nominated For A Streamy
• 2010 Streamy Awards Photos

To kick it off right, Mr. Garcetti will be joining CitySourced at a special event this Saturday, April 17th, dubbed “Download Day”. Personally I love this app and feel it can be a great benefit to any community. Hopefully more council members will start to adapt it for their districts. Help support CitySourced by showing up this Saturday and telling your friends about it.

Details

Date: Saturday, April 17th, 2010

Time: 9:00am to 10:30am

Location:
Americans (SIPA) Community Room
3200 Temple Street
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Full Press Release

Garcetti Announces New iPhone Application
“Garcetti 311” by CitySourced will allow users to submit service requests via iPhone

LOS ANGELES – Los Angeles City Council President Eric Garcetti today announced “Garcetti 311,” a new application for iPhones that will allow users to snap and submit photos of potholes, graffiti, and other problems in his district for the city to address. The application, developed by CitySourced, will be launched as a pilot program in Garcetti’s Council District, which stretches from Hollywood to Glassell Park.

“The new app empowers Angelenos to improve our neighborhoods by providing a quick, easy way of letting city government know where there are problems that need to be fixed. I’m proud to launch the pilot program in my district,” said Council President Garcetti.

Garcetti made the announcement at a training conducted by CitySourced in which Garcetti’s staff learned how to handle requests submitted through the new application.

“CitySourced was founded on a simple premise — to make it easier for all residents make their communities better. We’re doing this by facilitating the communication between residents and government, making the process simpler, more efficient and effective. Plus, as Angelenos ourselves, we’re excited about helping the city.”

“We are thrilled to have Los Angeles as our newest customer, which gives us a great opportunity to showcase and model for the rest of the world the emerging Gov2.0 movement,” said CitySourced Co-Founder Kurt Daradics.

Through the “Garcetti 311” application, users will be able to report problems for the city to address, including:

• Abandoned bicycles and vehicles
• Deceased animals
• Bulky items
• Graffiti
• Illegal dumping
• Broken sidewalks
• Potholes
• Overgrown trees

The application uses geo-tagging technology to automatically provide the problem’s location, simplifying the reporting process for users. During the year-long pilot program, Garcetti’s staff members will submit the requests to the appropriate city departments for action.

The application will be made available free of charge via iTunes later this month. Within the next three months, CitySourced, powered by FreedomSpeaks.com, also expects to expand availability of the technology to other mobile platforms such as Google Android, Blackberry, Palm, and Windows Mobile.

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Here are some of the one’s I found to have interesting points about that night and good suggestions for the future of the Streamys:

Barrett Garese (@spytap) – wrote an honest and blunt post where he touched on what was fundamentally wrong with the Streamys but also made many good suggestions on how to make sure an evening like that doesn’t happen again. He also suggested that the organizers apologize which Brady Brim De Forest did in a post later that day.

“The 2010 Streamy Awards were awful. They were an embarrassment to our entire community and they were the best evidence that mainstream media could ever find to reiterate their belief that online content is no threat. I’ve heard many people say that they believed it set our industry back a number of years in a single night and I honestly do believe the only way to salvage The Streamy Awards and the IAWTV as an organization is for the organizers to issue a very public mea culpa.”

Brian Lerner (@BrianLerner): Since You Didn’t Ask – My Thoughts on the Streamy’s - If you’re not into reading something long, Brian does a good job of highlighting the issues that seem to be resonating with most of the web community.

“Content? How about ending the self-deprecation and treating online video with the respect we’re expecting everyone else too. If we’re not taking ourselves seriously will anyone else?

Hollywood and Web Unite? Not really. Feels more like the familiar faces came to do us all a favor rather than trying to lift up the community. There are exceptions, but it’s still them and us. Don’t get me wrong. I like Hollywood. I moved to LA from NY to be a part of that world and still strive to, but there was a feeling of condescension last night and that bothers me when I have so many close friends in the mix and consider myself more a part of the Web than Hollywood at the moment.”

Justine Ezarik (iJustine) – Justine was very excited to be a part of the Streamys and promoted it to her fan base. After attending, she issued a public apology on her blog to her fans. Stating that she was confused and embarrassed. In her list style breakdown, Justine points out the issues but also posts a video that even I had missed. One where Chris Hardwick and Lisa Nova are molested on stage. Something that was evidently not planned.

“As much as it pains me to even write about this show I attended last night, I feel I need to because I owe all of you who watched because I told you to an apology. I left this event feeling confused, embarrassed and a bunch of other emotions that I still have yet to put my finger on.

As a web content creator, this show last year was a huge step in the right direction for web video producers.. and now, sadly.. back to step one.

Did I mention how vulgar it was????? There was a point in the show that I was like “Is this really happening?” I can’t even imagine how the brands and sponsors felt being a big part of the event. This is one of the biggest hurdles in online video is getting brands to trust the content they are advertising against. Now, they can’t even trust a show ABOUT online video!”

Photo from Techzulu.com by Jim Alden

So what do you think happens when the people you are trying to honor are upset about the manner you chose to do it in? My guess is they don’t come back. Many were asking for an apology from the organizers of the Streamys. Brady Brim De-Forest of Tubefilter issued this statement yesterday in an article on NewTeeVee:

“The show suffered from a lack of cohesiveness. There wasn’t enough focus on the awards, it was more focused on the comedy. Last night’s show was off that mark and we’re very sorry for that.”

When asked about the show’s heavy emphasis on self-deprecating material and scripted comedy bits, Brim-Deforest said that “As we tried to build the show into an entertainment platform, we tried to up the entertainment value. In the writing process, we were focused on individual bits and so we lost track of the show as a cohesive experience. If we had looked at the script as one whole instead of individual bits, I think we would have had a different outcome. Our focus was on building a show that was more entertaining than last year, and in doing so we lost focus on what the show is all about.”

Do you think it will be enough to save the Streamys? I guess we’ll find out next year.

(Header Photo by TheBuiBrothers.com)

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• The Unofficial Post-Streamys Celebration
• How To Get Nominated For A Streamy
• The Second Annual Streamy Awards

1. You never update your profile…
My likes and dislikes change basically every single day, so the fact that my profile was written almost two months ago means that people are hitting on the very outdated version of me. They are hitting on Jamie v 1.0, whereas I’m on Jamie v 3.6, still working out the bugs, but definitely further along than 1.0. God, that was a nerdy joke. Was that too nerdy? Did you roll your eyes? It’s okay if you did. I kind of did, too. But I’m going to leave that part in, because at this point, what with this lalawag column and my own personal blog, I’m pretty sure I’ll never get a date again. I’ll have to start dating in places that don’t have Google. China? Did China ban Google yet? BRB, I’m going to Google it.

2. You never answer any of the questions or are active on the site in any way
So, most of a dating sites’ magic is primarily based around how you answer questions. Questions that apparently will tell you if you’re a match with someone else and that’s how you show up in search results and I think this is how it goes, but WHO AM I KIDDING? I don’t WORK for a dating site, nor do I have any real clear indication of how this goes. I’m just assuming. And from what I’ve assumed, if you do not answer any questions or update your profile or act in any way in accordance with being, you know, ACTIVE ON THE SITE, then, well, you kind of dissipate amongst the search results. So, APPARENTLY, if I do not regularly update my profile or answer these very insightful questions, then I will become obsolete, just a blip on the dating site registrar. What bullshit. If someone searches for a girl who is awesome and funny, I should always show up, regardless of if I update all the time. Am I right?

3. You are a design snob
Nope, I cannot date online using a site that isn’t designed beautifully. Yes, I’m a total design snob. I mean, I’m a designer and they should have a dating site specifically for designers so that the site is so pretty and beautiful that you cannot help but be inspired to have lots and lots of babies with anyone on the site. Wait. God, that’s a good idea. WHY DO I KEEP GIVING EVERYONE ALL MY BEST IDEAS? First, the Yelp-type dating site I gave you all a few weeks ago. Now this one. You’re welcome, people. Now go make millions and give me a damn cut, would you? At some point, I need to see the fruits of my labor. Or something else like that.

4. You have to actually, you know, go on dates
Despite my never updating my profile or showing up high in search results, I still get asked out on these sites and see, here is the problem. HERE IS THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK FUCK PROBLEM.

I DON’T GO ON THE DATES.

I’m always all, “I hate dating! I hate first dates! They are so awkward! I don’t even WANT A BOYFRIEND!”

And then, no joke, I’m drinking mimosas the other day and we’re doing tarot cards and I got the Sword card for my future love life. The Sword card basically tells me that if I don’t get rid of all my negative thinking about dating, then I will be dealing with betrayal and lovelessness and unhappiness and I’m like, AT SOME POINT, THE TAROT CARDS JUST PWN’D ME. And, Mom, I’m sorry for using tarot cards, I know you think they are demonic and that I might go to hell for using them, but apparently, I’m about to go to love life hell if I don’t tame my goddamn negativity.

Which is sort of a good moral to this post. Because, it’s true, isn’t it? If you put effort into something and then you’re all Negative Nancy about it, then you’re definitely not going to get good results, but it’s like, I don’t even know HOW to be positive about dating. It’s such a hassle and people are always saying that you have to go on 30 bad dates to have a good one and THIRTY BAD DA…and HERE I GO AGAIN. WITH THE NEGATIVITY!

Maybe I’ll just be celibate. Or be a nun. Yeah, a nun. Instead of all this online dating business, I just need a Bible and some serious one-on-one time with the big guy upstairs. Yep. Men of the World: please stop asking me out, I am now a Woman of God.

Well, my Mom will be proud. So, there’s that redeeming aspect of this plan.

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We understand that putting on a show of that magnitude is tough work, so much goes into the planning and things are going to happen that are out of your control. Look at the current televised awards shows, they have been around for years and still run into issues.

One of the most entertaining videos we saw that night was “How to get nominated for a Streamy … in the nominees own words.” However due to said technical difficulties no one was able to see the conclusion of the video leaving many people wondering.

The Fine Brothers, Benny and Rafi Fine, created the video and have kindly shared it with us so you can view it in its entirety. Enjoy:

Related Articles:

• The Unofficial Post-Streamys Celebration
• The Community Speaks Up About The 2010 Streamys
• 2010 Streamy Awards Photos

The Retreat is like a nod back to when business was being done on the golf course. Instead of sitting in a conference room you would get out on the green with your client, have a few beers and make your deals under the sun. According to the announcement, The Retreat is an exclusive executive level event that will be invite only. Those wishing to attend will need to apply and only 85 will be selected out of applications.

Talking place at a 5 star/5 diamond resort in Dana point, attendees days will be filled with catered meals, golf, sailing and activities that allow you to develop and foster relationships with the other participants. The three-day event will be Co-hosted by David Hornik of August Capital and Andy Sack of the Founder’s Co-op. Some of the most proven investors and entrepreneurs will be invited to mix and mingle with up and coming players. With only the creme de la creme of startup tech being selected, that one on one time in an open atmosphere will be extremely valuable.

More VIP hosts will be announced shortly, while many of the specific details, including price and exact location, will only be released to applicants. The Retreat takes place from Jun 16-18, 2010. If you’d like to attend you need to get your application in by the end of May. Apply here.

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Think of it like the Emmys for internet geeks, though you will see “real” celebrities not just web celebs in attendance. Last year I spotted Neil Patrick Harris, Lisa Kudrow, Zoe Bell, and Rosario Dawson, but the person I think most people were excited to see, not to mention the big winner of the night, was Felicia Day. Her heartfelt acceptance speech was something that most people walked away from the evening talking about.

Produced by Tubefilter, The Streamy’s are co-hosted by Tubefilter News and NewTeeVee. The nominees are selected, after public submission, by members of the International Academy of Web Television. An independent, non-profit organization that includes actors, agents, composers, content creators, directors, journalists, producers, technology innovators and writers. You now have the chance to help pick the Audience Choice Winner. You can vote for your favorite series once a day, every day, right up until the day of the awards.

Hosted by Paul Scheer, The Streamys are taking place this year at the Orpheum Theatre in Downtown Los Angeles. If you haven’t found the perfect dress yet, not to worry, Taryn O’Neill wrote an amazing guide that will help you find it. For those of you that weren’t able to snag a ticket, you can watch the evening unfold live at 5:30pm on Streamys.org.

Last night there was a special event held just for The Streamy Craft Awards. Due to time constraints of the big event of Sunday, some awards were presented then. Here’s a quick look at the winners:

Best Reality or Documentary Web Series
The Secret Life of Scientists

Best Foreign Web Series
OzGirl

Best New Web Series
Odd Jobs

Best Companion Web Series
The Office: Subtle Sexuality

Best Experimental Web Series
Auto-Tune the News

Best Editing in a Web Series
The Bannen Way (Zack Arnold)

Best Cinematography in a Web Series
Riese (Christopher Charles Kempinski)

Best Art Direction in a Web Series
Green Porno (Rick Gilbert)

Best Sound Design in a Web Series
Fear Clinic (Kunal Rajan)

Best Visual Effects in a Web Series
Fear Clinic (Jason Bergman, Nicholas Onstad, Bethany Onstad, Jason Knetge, Erik Porn, Ikuo Saito, David Dang)

Best Animation in a Web Series
theGoob (Magnus Jansson)

Best Original Music in a Web Series
Auto-Tune the News (Evan Gregory, Andrew Gregory, Michael Gregory)

Best Live Production in a Web Series
Kevin Pollak’s Chat Show

Best Interactive Experience in a Web Series
Valemont

Best Product Integration in a Web Series
Easy to Assemble (IKEA)

Best Mobile Experience in a Web Series
Valemont U

From the red carpet entrance full of press, to the ceremony and after party, the Streamy Awards are an evening full of class, wit and of course a few laughs. In short, something you don’t want to miss. See you on the red carpet!

(Photo by TheBuiBrothers.com)

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But today, as I contemplate self-branding, the art of over sharing, and the potential peril we face as we promote our whereabouts across different platforms, I wonder how much time will pass before some of us follow in startup enthusiast Andrew Hyde’s footsteps and commit location-based service suicide. As Sarah Perez reported in a recent New York Times article, people are being robbed. It’s possible some people are being followed. In the case of the LA Tech community, people are being pranked, and not in the fun light hi-we’re-toilet-papering-your-backyard-kind-of-way.

Somewhere out there, there is a teeny little guy or a group of them who enjoy trying to get a rise out of Foursquare users after they check in at different venues. This creepiness has been pulled on food blogger Sarah J. Gim, Jenna Arter and Word Press aficionado Austin Passy, adrenaline-fueled angel investor Paige Craig and myself.

The Fourscare

Ten minutes after checking in on Foursquare at the Loteria Grill one chilly night in February, Gim received a phone call from someone at the restaurant’s front desk. When she picked up the phone, the caller asked her what she was doing there and told her he’d be waiting for her at her apartment. Gim didn’t go home that night.

“I was on a date, but because he was a new person I sort of felt weird and just said I had to leave,” shared Gim. “Then I walked next door to Geisha house, called a friend and I stayed at her place. I was kind of freaked out.”

The same thing happened to Mike Prasad. When someone called for him at the Coral Tree, he told the restaurant to ignore the caller. However, when someone phoned him a second time at a different venue, Prasad picked up and was told someone would be waiting for him at his house later.

Update: It was actually Jeana Arter and Austin Passy who received the calls at Coral Tree that are referred to above. Mike Prasad was involved in a separate incident occurring at a Coral Tree.

One late Saturday night in mid-March, I went to Kitchen 24 with some friends. Not even two minutes after I’d checked in, a server told me a caller, who didn’t leave his name, asked for me and said I should go home because Mark Jeffrey was in the hospital. The group of people at my table and I had been with Jeffrey earlier that day, but we hadn’t talked to him in a couple of hours. Our first reaction was that this must be a joke, but we were all somewhat concerned and we called Jeffrey accordingly. Of course, we got no response.

Jeffrey eventually called late the next morning, saying he went to bed early the night before and that he was nowhere near any hospitals.

A few days later, an unknown number showed up on my iPhone. I normally only answer calls from numbers I recognize, but I picked up anyway. The caller asked me why I hadn’t been to Runyon Canyon lately. Back when I lived in West Hollywood, I hiked in Runyon Canyon Park two hours a day and I checked in regularly. When I asked who was calling he hung up. Turns out Foursquare makes your cell phone number visible to anyone you befriend on the Foursquare.

The Fourscam

About a week before I was called, Paige Craig was FourStalked at Gold’s Gym in Venice, where he checks in frequently. It started out like any other work out session. He scanned his membership card thru the turn-style, alerted Foursquare, hit the locker room, and changed his clothes. As he was walking downstairs, an employee at the front desk called him and told him Ron was on the phone for him. When Craig got on the line, Ron said he was gym manager, and that Craig’s credit card had been declined. Craig relayed that he had just returned from a skiing trip, where he had been using the same card the entire time. Ron said he tried to process the card again and then said, “Sorry, it’s still not working. Let me confirm the credit card number with you.”

Craig asked the employee at front desk if Ron worked for him. The employee responded with nothing but a confused stare. Now realizing what was happening Craig hung up on the caller and talked to the employee, who said the caller identified himself as Craig’s buddy Ron and that he needed to talk to Craig urgently.

“Usually Gold’s won’t take an external call, This was the perfect social scam. The employee assumed I knew the caller and just said ‘Ron needs to talk to you.’ I assumed the employee knew Ron and entered the conversation trusting that Ron is representing himself properly as a Gold’s manager.” said Craig

Craig says the only thing that saved him is that basic rule of financial safety – “never give your credit card, social, or other key information out over the phone unless you initiated the call.”

The Pros and the Cons

I was adamantly against using Foursquare until a few months ago when I started writing articles about the potential benefits of location based services, such as exhibiting brand loyalty and tracking violent crimes. While I still believe in the benefits of geolocation, I’m checking in with more caution. (I’ve always only added people I know personally as subscribers.)

Craig is still checking in occasionally, whereas Gim has altered her Foursquare behavior somewhat.

“I thought about closing my account, but instead just stopped using Foursquare for about a week,” said Gim. “I started checking in again after I leave places, and I only tell Twitter when it’s REALLY good, since I blog about food and restaurants.”

At the end of the day, there is no real apparent reason as to why I enjoy compulsively checking in on Foursquare, and it’s naive to think that followers other than close friends are paying attention to other people’s social media streams. Unfortunately, not all pranksters and stalkers are bluffers. On the upside, promoting one’s own personal brand and being transparent does not require livestreaming one’s location.

So will I commit location-based service suicide? No, simply because I’m stubborn. However, I am questioning the amount of sharing I’ve been doing across multiple platforms (Twitter, Facebook, Plancast). Like most fun-filled activities in life, social networking is best practiced when it’s done in moderation. I’m not going to lie. I would have liked to become mayor of Runyon Canyon. However, I’m happy with just being the mayor of my own life.

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2. You say things like, “If I wasn’t already married, I’d do x and y.”
Which is cute and flattering, but YOU’RE ALREADY MARRIED, BRO. So, the very fact that you are thinking about doing x and y to me or anyone else officially makes you pretty damn shady. I don’t want your x or your y anywhere near me because I’m pretty sure TSK, TSK YOUR WIFE WOULD NOT APPROVE.

3. You @ reply every single tweet that a particular someone posts.
Now, I get it. You think I’m funny and you think I’m cute, but MUST YOU REPLY TO EVERY LITTLE 140 CHARACTER WITTICISM I POST? MUST YOU? And, also, your avatar is a picture of a unicorn, which I think you are hoping I believe is phallic and kind of cute, but come on man, CREEPY. Always creepy.

4. There are only one or two pictures of you anywhere in cyberspace.
And the pictures you post are shadowed in a way where you could either be cute or have a deformity and no one would know. See, this is neither sly nor sneaky, because we all know about “angles” and “lighting” and how the black and white setting of your MacBook built-in iSight always makes you look really, really good. Wait. No, that’s not the point. POINT IS. You’re really fucking creepy if you only have one or two pictures and if they are in weird angles and like, don’t you have friends? Don’t you have a Facebook? COME ON MAN.

5. You start emails with, “I promise I’m not a stalker, but…”
Ah, yes, this is infamous. And, reassuring. Definitely, reassuring. Because, the best way to tell someone you’re not a stalker is to blurt out, I SWEAR I’M NOT A STALKER. You know the only thing I think when you say that? “Oh dear god, RUN.”

6. You message someone “back” on an online dating site even though they haven’t even had a change to reply to your original message.
Dude, no double message. No one thinks it’s cute. Although, someone did double message me on OKCupid and I kind of did think it was cute, but that’s the exception to the rule and believe me, you’re not the exception to the rule. You are the rule. Just, don’t. The double message is a 10 on a scale of 1 to Really, Really Overly Needy and Creepy.

7. You hit on someone and their roommate, hoping at least one of them will be interested.
Just because it’s online doesn’t mean that the roommates won’t talk. They’ll probably Gchat each other and be all, “Did this creep email you, too?!” Tsk, tsk! COMPLETE OBVIOUS FACT ALERT: GIRLS TALK. YES WE TALK ABOUT YOU AND YES WE WILL KNOW IF YOU’RE HITTING ON BOTH OF US. IT’S CREEPY. KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF.

8. You connect on Twitter/Facebook/LinkedIn at the exact same time without ever having had a conversation with the person.
I call this one the Trifecta Creep Move. Seriously? All three networks? And you’re probably commenting on my blog? I get it. You’re eager, you’re showing interest, you’re peacocking, if I may. But, tone it down there, buddy. You’re creeping me out with your follow, add, connect Trifecta Creep Move.

9. You re-add someone over and over and over on Foursquare
If I’m saying no once, adding me again is not going to make me say yes. Like, no, I do not want you to know where I am at all times. Why? Oh, let me see here. MAYBE BECAUSE I’D ENJOY NOT BEING MURDERED TONIGHT.

10. You have a list on Twitter with all cute girls that’s called, “bonestorm.”
Bonestorm? Really, bro? BONESTORM?! It’s honestly like you’re not even trying to hide the very obvious fact that you are a complete online creep. Just. Just, go. Go back to your parent’s basement or wherever online creeps hang out. It’s always the basement, isn’t it? And they are always in their underwear.

God, now I’m thinking about grown men in their underwear in a basement. Maybe I’m the online creep. God, gross. Help.

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I think that if God had another go around with this whole Build the World thing, he’d totally give cavemen the chops to invent computers so that we could all date online instead of this in person courtship bullshit. We’d see a decrease in divorce rates because people would get together based on, I don’t know, ACTUAL COMPATIBILITY?

See, offline, guys are all, “Damn, that chick has a great rack. I’m going to go talk to her.” And, he does. They pretend to be people they are not, so they can impress the fake versions of each other. They exchange numbers. They text message each other when they are drunk. They have sex. They think the other person will think poorly of them if they do not follow up after the sexing. They get into a relationship. They talk about their relationship, but all their words are, “dfgkljdfs;fgl’;kjdfglkj” and “????” and “blahblahblah” because they have no idea how to communicate with each other.

They allow a one night stand to last for five years and they fight over things like who bought the toilet paper last and, “WHY MUST YOU PUT THE CARTON OF MILK BACK IN THE FRIDGE WHEN IT IS EMPTY JUST THROW IT OUT YOU SUCK AS A GIRLFRIEND LET’S BREAK UP OH JUST KIDDING LET’S STAY TOGETHER BECAUSE WE DON’T WANT TO BE LONELY EVER.”

Now, online, in comparison, is the gold medal of relationships. Because, guys are all, “Wow, this girl is so smart and pretty, I must email her.” Then, they email and ask each other questions about what they like and what they do not like and what superhero power they’d have if they could have one. And, they, you know, get to know each other in a way that has nothing to do with boobs or penis size or drunk text message booty calls. And, then they talk about meeting. And, they talk about expectations of meeting. And, they talk about if they’d be comfortable with this or if they’d be more comfortable with that. And, then they meet and they know each other in a real way and they live happily ever after and have little internet babies.

In the online relationship, there is no keypunching (lkgjd;flkgjdf;lgkjdfgk) nor are there any questions left unanswered. The! Most! Perfect! Relationship! The people involved actually have real life conversations about what they do and do not want out of the talking and talking and all the talking. It isn’t until both people have set out their expectations does the relationship move forward in any way. WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT OFFLINE? I KNOW IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO BUT WHEN THE PERSON YOU’RE TANGOING WITH IS A MORON YOU JUST STEP ON FEET AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO TANGO SO THIS REFERENCE BLOWS.

Holy mother of CAPS lock. Where’s the whiskey? My dating life is turning me into a full-fledged alcoholic. But, fuck, you already knew that.

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Press Release

Scripped Doubles Installed Base of Users and Claims Dominant Market Leadership for Web-Based Screenwriting Software and Content Development Services

SAN FRANCISCO, March 29, 2010 – Scripped, the leading provider of Web-based screenwriting software and crowdsourced content development services based in San Francisco, today announced the company has secured new investment and merged with Massachusetts-based Zhura.com. Terms of the merger were not disclosed, as both companies are privately-held, but Scripped executives confirm the merger is valued in the seven figure range. The new funding, provided by private angel investors, amounts to $250,000.

In addition to the new investment and merger with Zhura, Scripped will move into a new facility located in San Francisco as part of a technology incubator called I/O ventures. The company recently added Break.com CEO Keith Richman to its Board of Advisors.

“With this new investment and the merger of Zhura into the Scripped family, we believe Scripped is poised for explosive growth in 2010,”said Sunil Rajaraman, CEO, Scripped. “At 60,000-strong, and adding a new screenwriter every 20 minutes, we are proving every single day that everyone has a screenplay. It is our top priority to give members of the Scripped.com community every opportunity to get their works produced.”

“This merger is a natural synergy that brings immediate value to our combined memberships” said Eric MacDonald, founder and CEO of Zhura, now a member of the Scripped.com board of directors. “Now writers can come to one site and have access to the most powerful screenwriting software in the industry along with a robust community of creative talent, as well as a broad range of exciting writing opportunities.”

“The Scripped team has shown a lot of resiliency and resourcefulness over the past year.” said Keith Richman. “The moment a writer from Scripped gets one of their works produced and widely distributed, the company’s business model of crowdsourcing screenplays could become the norm.”

New members of the Scripped Board of Advisors include:

Keith Richman – Keith Richman, a recognized industry leader and successful entrepreneur, is chief executive officer of Break Media. Keith is responsible for providing the company’s overall strategic direction and leading the company in the areas of business development and marketing.

About Scripped:
Founded in 2008, Scripped’s goal is to make screenwriting accessible to writers of all levels and provide the tools and community writers need to bring their ideas from inception to completion. Scripped aims to encourage and support the needs of all scripted content writers.

Scripped Inc. promotes the art of screenwriting by providing Scripped Writer, the first completely free web-based screenwriting software for writers. Scripped Writer is an innovative text editor that functions like a standard word processor but automatically formats and catalogs each screenplay element according to industry standards. Since its launch in January 2008, Scripped Writer has amassed a user-base of more than 30,000 writers from all 50 states and more than 50 countries. In March of 2010, Scripped merged with Zhura.com, nearly doubling its userbase to 60,000 screenwriters. To try Scripped Writer, visit scripped.com. For additional corporate info and biographical information on the management team, please email us directly at contact@scripped.com.

About Zhura:
Zhura was founded in 2007 to develop the next generation in performance writing tools. As the first company to combine advanced editing technology with valuable community, collaboration, and social networking features, Zhura is a thought leader in the Performance Writing Industry. For more information about Zhura’s applications and online writing community, visit zhura.com.

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Casey McKinnon, the host for A Comicbook Orange, and all around super cool chick, tweeted that they made the Bridgette Dale attack ad with lalawag in mind. Notice the reference to “funemployment”? We thought you might like that.

Attack Ad Felicia Day

Attack Ad Brigette Dale

Attack Ad Zoe Bell

Check out A Comicbook Orange and keep up with all of Casey’s antics on her website or follow her on Twitter @caseymckinnon.

You can see all of the nominees for the 2010 Streamy Awards here.

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Here is what they might look like, click the image to enlarge.

/via College Humor

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Twitter is a great place to let loose, share some humor, perk up your day or that of a friends. Recently I learned about a Twitter account that was taking tweets and making funny sketch drawings of them, like this one:

And this one:

Things like this make me happy and I want to share them with others who would find it equally amusing, but I also wanted to know more about the person behind @drawmytweet. Luckily, I was able to grab the attention of the creator behind it, Karen Nicoletti, and ask her a few questions:

1. How did you come up with the idea of drawing tweets. What made you decide to do it?

I love to draw, and I wanted to come up with a fun project that would incorporate illustrations. I had decided to open an Etsy shop in part to sell offbeat hand-drawn greeting cards, but I got sidetracked with the idea of reinterpreting or playing off of people’s tweets in the form of a little drawing. It seemed like a fun challenge with endless inspiration, and I liked the idea of maybe making people laugh a little at the new take on their tweet.

2. What is your favorite tweet drawing you have done so far?

Illustration-wise, Bullwinkle as Rocky’s lawyer. Joke-wise, Sally Field/Boniva.

3. If someone wanted a printed copy of a tweet you have drawn could they get one?

I think the tweet’s originator should have first crack at buying the original drawing, and yes, that is an option, if people are
interested. I’d also make reprints available.

4. You have an Etsy shop for your art, any plans to incorporate the tweet drawings into cards? Are there any special projects you are working on?

The card shop grew out of my affinity for collage and papercuts, and I do want to incorporate my drawings into it soon. Most of the cards in there now feature these cool little illustrations I fell in love with — they’re from a home repair book from the ’30s. As for other art projects, even though lately I use iPhone camera apps far more than my DSLR, I’m addicted to photography and am working with a friend to build a website for my photos.

For your daily dose of fun tweet drawings, follow @drawmytweet. Karen takes requsts all the time so don’t hesitate to send her a tweet you’d like to see illustrated.

*Thanks to @betheboy for his initial tweet alerting me to this awesome Twitter account.

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1. MySpace: Poor people.
2. ASmallWorld: Rich people.
3. Consumerist: Rich people who pretend they’re poor people.
4. Fox News: Some Reddit user who’s really pissed that someone sourced Fox but relieved because he has Adblock on so technically he’s stealing content.
5. Google.co.jp: Japanese, duh.
6. Google.co.de: Germans, duh.
7. Google.cn: Americans searching for “Tiananmen Square.”
8. Yahoo: 40 million soccer moms and one guy who’s really confused about where the directory of the internet went.
9. Flickr: People who think cranking saturation to 200% makes you a professional photographer.
10. Deviant Art: People who think drawing in a Moleskine makes you a professional artist.
11. Ask.com: Me, finding one great result for “Klingon porn,” in 1999 (true story).
12. LinkedIn: Pretty much everyone, so give up and apply at McD’s.
13. Apple.com: Idiots during an Apple announcement.
14. Gizmodo: Idiots who know more about gadgets during an Apple announcement.
15. Engadget: Idiots who know more about gadgets and got frustrated with Gizmodo’s load time during an Apple announcement.
16. Microsoft.com: Utter blithering morons who thought they’d get off easy after the last three items.
17. Photoshop.com: People about to be bitterly disappointed.
18. Match.com: People about to be bitterly disappointed.
19. Lalawag.com: People who’d better not be fucking disappointed. I will knife you.
20. McDonalds.com: A really confused stoner and a million people giving up on LinkedIn.
21. Pornhub: Guys who’ve seen everything on Pornotube.
22. CNET: People buying a new gadget.
23. TechCrunch: People who think they are too smart to read Mashable.
24. Bank of America: People who get so excited they have to show their photogenic relatives, according to the same stupid Hulu ad I’ve been watching all day.
25. Hulu: ‘Office’ fans.
26. Torrenthound: ‘Daily Show’ fans.
27. Godaddy: Someone who really thinks “sexcessful.com” is gonna make her a million bucks instead of just cost her ten.
28. PayPal: Someone who gets charged a million bucks each time she transfers ten.
29. Verizon, RR.com, and Comcast: OH MY GOD HOW DO I CHANGE THIS STUPID SETTING.
30. eFax: JUST LET ME SEND THE GODDAMN FAX ALREADY WHAT CENTURY IS THIS.
31. Rageguy.com: FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
32. Yelp: Insanely touchy restaurant-goers.
33. Mozilla: People in the happy process of re-installing everything on the new computer.
34. Ning: I seriously have no idea and yet it’s huge.
35. Twitter: People whose first tweet was “Trying out this Twitter thing” and are now really embarrassed about that.
36. TwitPic: People who hope Taylor Swift is naked this time.
37. Rapidshare: People waiting 15 more seconds.
38. Cracked: A guy who wishes he’d written this.
39. eBaum’s World: A guy who will claim he wrote this.
40. Trololololololololololo.com: God.

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With Qwotebook you can add any quote you want and share it with your friends. You reference the name of the person who said the quote and add context like when you heard the quote and what it refers to. You can even tag the quote as well. If the person who said the quote is already a Qwotebook member their name will populate for you to select for attribution. If it’s someone famous or someone that doesn’t have an account yet, the site will automatically make one and upload a pic for it.

I added a quote from Bill Maher and the site created this account for him:

The initial sign up is kinda like what Twitter newbies experience. Until you start following people or adding quotes, there is nothing to see on your profile page. You can however click the home button and see the most recently added qwotes to the site. To find people to follow you check out the qwotebot’s following list.

One of our favorite people in the whole wide world, Drew Olanoff, is the creator of the site. He is working with developers from I Heart Movies to keep everything running smoothly. He often says quotable, inspiring things like the phrase below, so it makes sense that this site would come from him:

Qwotebook is still in Beta and has limited access but Drew has kindly given us 250 invites for the wonderful lalawag readers. To try out Qwotebook visit the site and use the code “lala”.

If you have any trouble getting on don’t hesitate to drop them an email, they have excellent customer service. Mike Davis from the Qwotebook team was awesome at answering any questions I had and helping with the technological hiccups I always seem to encounter.

Follow them on Twitter @qwotebook.

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Unfortunately for me, there are very few people who actually keep my attention for two weeks and now that I’ve told myself I will adhere to this rule quite strictly, my potential pool of Men I’d Like to Talk to More has decreased so significantly that I’m thinking of making it a Two Day Rule. Hey, at least I wouldn’t be sleeping alone. This is what the cool kids (AKA, myself and my roommate) call “Goal Settling.” You can use that. Go on, you know you want to.

This Two Week Rule comes in especially handy when I meet someone online. Considering all you can do is talk and express yourself when you meet online, if, after two weeks, I’m still waiting to hear from them and am excited about the potential of them pushing me up against a wall, then, well, shit’s for real. Meeting someone online feels like some weird sort of speed dating, because, after one conversation, you feel like you’re on the 15th date and all of a sudden, you’re all, “Wait, we’ve never actually met in person, but you know the intimate details of what I’d put where if you were here?” Yeah, this is weird.

Anyways.

I was saying that because online dating is cultivated in such a different way than offline dating, you get to know a person much faster than you would if you were just starting to date someone from the offline world, you know, QUOTE IN REAL LIFE UNQUOTE. Offline, it takes about seven dates spanned across a few weeks to really get to know the person, but online you’re on Gtalk for a long night and all of a sudden, you’re spilling about that one time when you were in Kindergarten and you got stung by a bee on your head and that probably traumatized you and that’s why you suck at studying, because OF THAT GODDAMN BEE.

Or, you know, other important topics of conversation in the same vein.

What I’m saying here is that this Two Week Rule is both awesome and terrible at the same time. Because the amount of people that do not captivate my attention for a measly two weeks is horrifyingly high. And it makes me want to go jump off a cliff or only have romances that last one week, six days and twenty-three hours, so I don’t need to deal with the unbelievable wave of disappointment that comes with realizing that, YET AGAIN, someone has bored me AFTER ONLY TWO WEEKS OF KNOWING THEM.

I know. I realize I’m a heartless bitch whose standards are probably far too high because my ego is bigger than my actual goods. Maybe, I’m the boring one. Maybe, my dear god, I’m the one that can’t keep someone’s interest for TWO WEEKS. Maybe, after all this time, I’m actually the person who isn’t awesome enough for really awesome people to date.

Hahahahahahahha. Yeah, right. Like THAT’S true.

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All the dreams I’ve had of cornering Pete Cashmore in a dimly lit Mashable party while shoving my face onto his after I’ve taken full advantage of the open bar were squashed when I realized that neither my own company, nor anyone else I work for would be willing to pay my way to SXSW so I could be a hot, drunk mess like everyone else.

God, my life is tough.

Anyways.

You know, I actually have a weird sense of freedom since I’m one of maybe five people on the internet who aren’t at SXSW. It’s like when your parents leave town for the weekend and all you want to do is invite every guy over ever and make bad decisions with them while stealing shots from the liquor cabinet. No? Just me? Really? COME ON PEOPLE.

What am I doing? What am I SAYING? No one is reading this. I could post the cure to cancer here and people would be all, “What? You cured cancer? Oh, fuck, I was at SXSW blasted out of my mind with [insert hot tech person here]!”

I think the people who aren’t at SXSW should all get together on the internet and fuck around with the people who are in Austin. Like, we should Google bomb them. Or, tell them that something has happened with Silicon Valley and they can’t do anything about it because they are in Texas and we’re going to fix it and they’ll get none of the glory. That’ll teach people to go to tech conferences with loose morals and open bars to make said morals looser. Ha! TAKE THAT SXSW! THE INTERNET IS OURS NOW, JERKS. WE’RE TAKING IT OVER AND CURING CANCER AND YOU’RE GOING TO COME BACK FEELING TERRIBLE. AND REALLY, REALLY HUNGOVER. HA!

No, I’m not bitter, why would you say that? No, I absolutely love seeing everyone I’ve ever wanted to spend five minutes with tweeting about how they are all in one room together and “Jamie, why aren’t you here!?” I love that. Totally. In honor of how much I love that, I have been drinking wine in excess. To, you know, celebrate. Celebrate my independence. And, the fact that SXSW is stupid and sounds boring and why would I want to be having hot tech orgies? Why would I want free alcohol shared with some of my favorite people on the planet?

Fuck you, SXSW. Fuck you and your awesomeness and your free stickers and your drunken hookups and your being so goddamn expensive. Nope, not bitter. Not at all.

(Photo (cc) Kenneth Yeung – www.thelettertwo.com)

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Each Community has what is called a “Founder” which is the person who started the community and is the one who manages it. They get to curate the content that members add, format the templates used for reviews, pick the top three reviews to highlight at the top of the page, and manage the Twitter account for the community. They essentially guide the conversation and topics.

The page is composed of reviews, featured lists, micro reviews and three featured reviews that usually revolve around a popular topic in the community. You have the ability to search members, see the top contributors and check out recent activity.

The SXSW Community is managed by Thomas Knoll and already has 56 members. With all the over sharing that takes place these days it’s pretty amazing that they were able to keep it quiet. Here are a few members which you might recognize:

• Chrisheuer
• Corvida
• Sarahcooley
• AlanaJoy
• Jyamasaki
• Missrogue
• Scobleizer

They have already added a ton of content and one particular tag that most if not all of the SXSWi attendees will want to check out. A list of all the parties.

When you click on the link of each event it takes you to a page that has a wiki with info on what the event is, where it’s located, the time it starts and photos. You then have the opportunity to write a detailed review or micro one, that will post to the page and can be sent to Twitter and Facebook. Check out some of the top parties ahead of time, the community has thoughtfully added tips for you SXSW newbies.

Needless to say there is some work involved with being a Community Founder, which is why you would want to pick something you’re passionate about if you’re going to sign up to be one.

If you want to become a part of the SXSW community and add your 2 cents about it, sign up to be a member of Lunch.com here. Then visit the community page to become a member. You can also follow them on Twitter at @LunchSXSW.

If you just want to browse the community before signing up for an account, we have a special beta code for you. Click here and enter the code “lalawag”.

Follow Lunch on Twitter @Lunch_com to stay up to date on news, and become a fan on Facebook.

How To become a Community Founder

In order to maintain the integrity of the Lunch community, people interested in creating a community will be asked to fill out a brief application form. This benefits fellow founders and members overall, by ensuring they’re surrounded by people who share Lunch’s brand values and vision for high quality content and responsible participation. Once you have created an account and signed in, enter the private BETA code CURIOUS as your passcode to access the application.

Get To Know Them

Lunch.com is a social media website where people share and discover genuinely useful information, connecting to others with common interests while uncovering common ground with those who may appear to be their total opposites. Fueled by curiosity, Lunch features reviews, lists and ratings created by members of the community, on almost any imaginable topic. Launched in April 2009 by J.R. Johnson former founder and CEO of VirtualTourist.com, which was acquired by Expedia in July 2008), Lunch’s proprietary Similarity Network engine calculates commonalities in taste and opinions among the site’s members.

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Here’s a roundup of some of our most popular and outrageous posts from last year. Just click on the pictures to view the articles in all their glory.

(Photo (CC) Brian Solis. www.briansolis.com)

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“for the next 30 days I’m going to do something each day to give to others. Its not always going to be a large amount of money and some days it won’t be money I’m giving away; I may make a donation online to various charities, give clothes to goodwill, buy a homeless person by my office a meal – I think what’s important is that I make myself think about the struggles other people are going through everyday.”

He makes a very good point. It seems more and more people are consumed by the things that are affecting them, and when they do think about doing something for others, they often use the excuse of later. It doesn’t take much to make an impact in someone else’s life and it definitely doesn’t take a lot of money.

Jason is asking for others to join his challenge and to help him find organizations and charities that you feel he should help out over the course of March. If you have one in mind he encourages you to leave it in the comments of his post. So far a few people have commeted and said they would join in the challenge including media empress Shira Lazar and David Travers from Rustic Canyon Partners.

Jason will be updating his blog regularly with his daily donation so you can follow along with his progress and hopefully get inspired to start your own.

(Photo (CC) Brian Solis. www.briansolis.com)

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1. Enter the soundtracks of your favorite movies into Pandora and make your personal soundtrack. Every time you’re in a room with a computer, turn it on
2. Load Mac.com on Microsoft store computers
3. Load Goatse on Apple store computers
4. Load People of Wal-Mart on Wal-Mart computers
5. Spend a hundred bucks on Fiverr and buy your girlfriend twenty five-dollar projects
6. Put your family’s home videos on ChatRoulette
7. Put your actual parents on ChatRoulette
8. Subscribe all the National Review writers’ emails to newsletters from the Huffington Post and vice versa
9. Ask ChaCha and Aardvark all the questions from last night’s Jeopardy. Score them against each other
10. Find a relevant way to politely steer every conversation on Fark, Digg, and Reddit toward the practices and beliefs of Adolf Hitler
11. Hack Symantec
12. Get all your friends to search for Ebola symptoms on WebMD and Google. Then their friends, and so on…
13. Copy romance novels into 4chan, with all the names find-and-replaced with Fresh Prince characters
14. Rate everything on ToysRUs.com by taste and “mouth feel”
15. Email the staff of Wrong Diagnosis asking, “So I should do the opposite of what the site says, right?”
16. Comment on every Gizmodo post in the character of a Victorian-era inventor. Post steam-powered versions of new gadgets
17. Submit Cracked lists to McSweeney’s
18. Comment on every Instructables post offering to pay someone to do the work
19. Write the stories of famous literary characters into Fmylife posts
20. Install the Alexa toolbar and visit Alexa a million times
21. Rename the Trololo video as Kazaa’s most popular search terms. Upload
22. Fill your LinkedIn profile with links to flash games. Slow down all the people looking for jobs
23. Load lyrics sites in public and try to start midday karaoke
24. Play Yenta on OKCupid. Find pairs of people who’d make great couples. Then find them a 1 BR on Craigslist
25. Make jumpsuits out of your junk mail and sell them on Etsy

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I’ve found the straw that’s breaking the camel’s back when it comes to bridging the gap between dating and technology. Shit, that was a lot of metaphors. I’ve had too much coffee. Like, really too much coffee. I’m shaking a little, but ANYWAYS.

We need to find a way to crowdsource our dates. Is it going to be Yelp or Foursquare or Gowalla who is going to crack into this viable marketplace? Or will a dark horse technology company situated in a random brick-walled office in San Francisco finally find a way for us all to spot the weirdos before we’re on date six with them? I’m rooting for the dark horse, because I like the underdog and because rooting for dark horses is always pretty trendy and cool to do.

So, I’m thinking something along the lines of a Yelp check-in thing:

“You have checked into Gloria’s vagina. There are thirteen reviews and her overall rating is 3 1/2 stars. Please see the Quick Tips for her erogenous zones and what she’d like to eat after having sex with you. She prefers you leave after twenty minutes of cuddling. She’s not looking for a serious relationship, but would prefer you take her out to dinner every once in a while. Would you like to meet her Regulars? Would you like to leave a review? How about emailing Gloria’s vagina to a friend?”

THIS IS GLORY! THIS IS GENIUS! WHY AM I GIVING THIS IDEA AWAY TO ALL OF YOU! BECAUSE I’M BEING GENEROUS! GO MAKE MILLIONS CHICKADEES!

I know, I sound like I’m joking, but I’m really not. This would revolutionize the way we date, people. All we’d need to do is login to Yelp (or that soon-to-be-popular dark horse application), put in the name of our date and check to see what other people have said about them.

Yelp has changed the restaurant industry for the better, since establishments are worried about getting unfavorable reviews. This review dating site/application would be a gift to HUMANITY. People would be so much nicer to each other if they knew their behavior was going to be reviewed and that said review could potentially ruin their chances to get laid again. I’M CHANGING THE WORLD WITH THIS IDEA. RAINBOWS. UNICORNS. GOLD STARS FOR ME!

While I’m pretty sure something like this definitely has some questionable privacy concerns, I’d say that overall it’s going to do much more good than bad. Think of all the time we’re going to save by being able to see if this chick puts out by the fifth date or this guy can actually give an orgasm.

This is valuable stuff. Not to mention, all the people we’ll be able to weed out because their reviews overwhelmingly point out that they become a raging tool after the third date. Douchebags Exposed! Bitches Pwned! These are just some of the blog post titles that will be associated with various write-ups of this new application. Mashable probably already has a draft written for it by now.

I’m basically just GIVING THIS TO YOU. FOR FREE. WITH BLOG POST TITLES AND EVERYTHING.

You’re totally welcome.

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Why: I like easy games. I like city-building games. But I don’t like a game with no challenge. Especially if that game gets my long-lost relatives and friends to contact me after years, only to say “Come rake my cornfields!” This is utter bullshit.

Replace with: Texas Hold ‘Em. You need a game where you earn endless points that don’t get you anywhere? May as well learn how to play a real-world game and get shafted a bit less on your next Vegas trip (all people who like Facebook games like Vegas). It’s even by the same company, so you can still get swindled by “free” Netflix offers.

The Oatmeal

Why: It’s the Dane Cook of webcomics. “Why I believe printers were sent from hell!” Ha ha! That is funny because I have had trouble with a printer in the past! No punchlines needed in an Oatmeal comic; simple observations anyone could make, coupled with an “I’m so random!” joke about a bear or a penguin, are enough for this half-assed comic.

Replace with: Tom Oatmeal. Same name, much funnier. “Good afternoon.  I am trying to expand my horizons by acting in movies and shows like the BMX rapper does and like Steven Seagull does and so please hire me.  I am very diverse and convincing and can play a number of challenging roles.  In fact, a lot of what I do on a daily basis is acting.  ‘You’re pregnant?!  Of course I’ll support you.’ – Acting.”

Digg

Why: Not the content. Of course it’s a collection of stupid news stories and funny bullshit people found on the internet. So is, like, every blog these days. The problem is that Digg’s commenters offer no value. Plus the site keeps tricking you into clicking onto other Digg pages instead of going to the shit that was supposedly so interesting it needed a hundred thousand people to go look at it and overload the server.

Replace with: Reddit, where you can sort comments by “best” to read just the most popular, brilliant comments. Redditors are better than Diggers at voting up the interesting side notes and punchlines. Or try Fark, where the jokes are in the headlines themselves.

Pornhub

Why: There’s no real YouTube of porn. Several sites are still fighting for dominance: RedTube, PornoTube, YouPorn. So on each one, you’ll be missing out on some content.

Replace with: Fantasti.cc. It aggregates porn from all the sites above and several others, including T’n'A Flix, Xtube, Shufuni and XHamster. You can rate the porn, build your own collection, and explore other users’ collections to find someone whose tastes match yours. You can even look through user photos, where apparently actual women post nude photos of themselves. For everything missing at Fantasti.cc, there’s the Big List of Porn.

(Photo from rapprint.co.uk)

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